From Click and Clack's web site from Saturday, Feb. 28th show.

Lawyer Jokes

The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.

They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue.

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth control?

His personality.

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

Removable wing tips.

And one more....

What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay?

A good start.

98% of lawyers give the others a bad name...

skillet

What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp?

One's a scum sucking bottom feeder. The other is a fish.    

Happy fishing.

B.A.S.S.~N.A.F.C.~BoatU.S.~N.R.A.~A.M.A.~

Did you know that two lawyers invented copper wire?

They were fighting over a penny.

I think I will forward this to my attorneys @ Dewey, Cheetum, and How.

There once was a big-rig driver who found a great way to keep himself entertained on long drives.  Whenever he saw a lawyer walking on the side of the road, he would swerve over and run him over.

One day, he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he picked him up.  Then, about two miles later, he saw a lawyer walking down the road.  His old habit kicked in, so he started to veer towards the lawyer, then remembered that the priest was with him, so he couldn't do it, so he swerved back onto the road at the last minute.  His heart sank though when he still heard and felt the telltale "thump"

He turned to the priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I don't know what came over me."

The priest replied, "That's OK son, I got him with the door."

I'm married to a lawyer.

I don't understand why we are making fun of lawyers? The jokes are catchy, but we paid the lawyers to do all the stuff they do. :

Because they are stereotyped just like a lot of other fields.  Every time we have a structure fire, I am inevitablely asked at least once if we saved the basement.  It's just poking a little fun.

Steve: There's good news and bad news. The good news is a bus load of lawyers just went off a cliff.

John: What's the bad news?

Steve: There were three empty seats.

I'm married to a lawyer.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem...

I'm married to a lawyer.

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem...

HAHAHA ;D ;D ;D