Thirteen Kinds of Bass Anglers
By Zach Semago
"The Sportsman" - Most easily identified by the seventy-five different bumper stickers on the back of his new lifted F-150. He's got all the gizmos and gadgets—Powerpole? You betcha. He camped out in front of Bass Pro to get the new Humminbird side-imaging system. For a while he tried to make some "side-income" bassing professionally in club tournaments until he realized it's very tough to turn a profit by tournament fishing.
"The Newbie" - We've all been here. This guy asks you why you aren't casting out into the deepest part of the lake. How did we all not know the deepest part of a lake is the best place to fish? Newbies think bass fishing is like the brainless “sit-and-wait-powerbait” trout fishing they do on the occasional weekend. These guys usually get attracted to the sport via a friend or FLW tournament on ESPN. They’ll try bassing for a few weeks with little success. Finally they give up and retire back to yard work on the weekend mornings.
"The McGyver" - Cares little of how ridiculously redneck his boat and gear look. He's down to save a few bucks at personal expense. He will go to extreme lengths to retrieve a snagged lure. “I’m sure these people won’t mind me in their front yard. After all, this senko was expensive!”
"The Philosopher" - Fishing isn't mandatory. These guys are just out for a good time on a calm lake. They love the quote by Henry David Thoreau, "Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not the fish they are after." These guys need to pick up a fly-rod.
"The Addict" - Has a serious fishing issue. The wife is ready to leave him over his fishing habits. Like a gambler, he waits for his next strike and can never seem to get enough. The endorphins flow when that big mama nails his top-water before work. All fishermen are addicts, but the true addict goes to much greater lengths for his fix.
"The Politician" - Always has the best fishing stories, until you realize he always has the best stories and can never prove them. For some odd reason, there's never a camera or other person around to prove the tales.
"The Banker" - Professional at bank, dock, and boat launch fishing. These guys nab some great catches and often bring their families along for the day. I've seen too many articles in the paper about twelve-year-olds who reel in state record quality fish on a worm and bobber. Meanwhile I'm still trying to get my first bass over eight pounds!
"The Magician" - Superstitious about everything- Lucky boxer shorta, huh? If I had a lucky piece of clothing I sure haven't found it. Let's not even get into the guys who "don't wash" after a good outing.
"The Trophy Hunter" – Finds a deep weed bed and casts twelve inch swimbaits all day in search of the state record. Has the most patience in the world. Once every blue moon he comes up with a goliath bass and convinces everyone they have to buy a swimbait. Everyone gives the new swimbait a try for a few hours before boredom sets in and they go back to business as usual. If you don’t know of this guy, watch a Butch Brown video on YouTube.
"The Mad Scientist" – This is Homer Circle. These guys enjoy figuring out how the fish tick. Telemetry studies are their favorite! Forget catching the fish; sometimes observing is more fun. These anglers will challenge you on everything you thought you knew about bass fishing.
“The Journalist” – Documents any and every catch. Gets worried about whether that one-pound dink will be the only fish of the day so takes a photo of it anyway. Before you’re off the water that one-pounder is up on Facebook and seventy-five other social networks, and the comments are flowin’ in. These guys are saving up for Christmas so they can buy themselves a GoPro helmet cam!
“The Natural” – Just a normal guy, but darn he’s good. He posts pictures and detailed reports of fishing at his local lake and he always kills it. He doesn’t fish tournaments or for bragging rights, and is just a nice guy. You eventually convince yourself it has just gotta be the lake until you fish it and get skunked. Maybe he’s just using an Alabama Rig but won’t tell anyone.
"The Lock Jaw" - You can't get anything out of this guy. He tells you fishing was "Okay" while later on you find he won the tournament. This guy actually thinks telling you a general fishing report over a multi-thousand acre reservoir is going to ruin the fishing. You could be on Lake Fork fer-cryin-out-loud and he still wouldn't tell you whether his spinnerbait trailer was white or crème. Of course this guy hounds everyone else for their fishing reports though.
Every fisherman is every one of these personalities all at once. What brings us together is a passion for the great outdoors and the next bite.
This article was written by Zach Semago, a bass angler from Washington. If you enjoyed this article, you can check out more articles by Zach at his blog www.fishingreports.com.