New Year's ResolutionNew Year's Resolution Here's some tongue-in-cheek New Year's resolutions for bass anglers.
I guess it's that time of the year again, the holidays. If you're like me, all of the effort put forth to impress everyone with "just the perfect gift" really leaves you feeling run down. This is the time to turn our attention to things that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. With New Year upon us, we look forward to the start of the tournament season, where we will butt our competitive heads with our buddies.
Well, I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but you are missing one major step in this holiday season; New Year's resolutions. Now hold on! We're all bass anglers, those who have achieved that certain level of perfection that very few ever attain. This list of resolutions is more for us to assist those around us to become more proficient bass anglers (you may call it pointing fingers, but let's try and be decent about it).
- Resolve to avoid giving your non-fishing significant other gifts designed to bring them on the water to spend that "quality" time with you. Let's face it, you think most non-boaters are named "Net!" anyway, so why would you remember your spouse is on the back deck?
- Resolve not to wrap your 7-month old in warm clothing and a bouncy seat for a quick trip to the lake...on your wife's shopping day. The quick trip will turn into eight hours before you know it, and your child will end up smelling something like catfish bait, which you never have to worry about when your wife is around.
- Commit to a reduction in new rod and reel purchases this year. Your budget will thank you. Besides, you can't carry all 300 combos you already have, and your 12-year old has been wearing the same shoes since the third grade.
- Resolve not to call your special someone "Bigmouth" or "Lunker." It may be an endearing term to you, but trust me; it does not do wonders for the self-esteem.
- Resolve to carry at least one picture of your family in your wallet. Try to work them into the weekly rotation of pictures of your boat, truck and fish you've caught.
- Resolve to quit lying (okay, embellishing) about the size of your fish. (I thought all 13-inch fish weighed three pounds!)
- Resolve not to change the channel to fishing shows on Saturday mornings. Let your kids watch their cartoons, put a TV in the garage, then you can watch from the comfort of your own boat.
- Resolve not to try any further to engineer a treble hook harness for your family's toy poodle. They're not real dogs anyway, and just imagine the strikes you would get as the poodle swam across the surface of Clearlake, Lake Fork etc.
- Resolve to take up a new hobby to round out your life, perhaps reading, or dancing lessons. (Huh?).
- Resolve to not play subliminal "Let Him Fish Three Days a Week, and Every Holiday" tapes as your family sleeps (Bass Pro Shops Item Number 555...).
- Finally, resolve to improve your diet. Instead of Vienna Sausages, try bringing some fresh vegetables fishing with you. (But, what would I use for bait when the fish won't hit a crankbait?).
As you can see, the "less fortunate" have a lot to work on this year, so let's do them the favor of being as patient as we can be. Give them the room to grow and blossom into the person they will be, without coaching (finger pointing) them too much. Please try to remember that these are only guidelines for improvement, and in no way do they represent the thoughts or opinions of the writer. They do however represent the thoughts and opinions of my second personality; I don't think you really want to meet him... He's scary.
Happy New Year!
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