Fireworks Tips for the 4th (Satire)

For best effect using a firework in one hand while holding a baby is hard to beat.

Remember that fireworks can’t hurt you when you’re drunk. Nothing can.

Your kids will really enjoy your fireworks if you are not around. I mean what could go wrong?

Here is an oldie but a goodie: Have the kids line up in a row facing you while you point a fireworks at them. Lets see which one those kids have really great motor reflective skills and good hand eye coordination.

If you dont have any kids or you are by yourself ... then this may be the perfect opportunity to experience the glory of placing your fireworks next to your private area. Come on it will be Funny!

The most effective treatment for burns is to go around showing people the burn and saying, “Look, I burned myself. Really hurts.”

If the fuse fails ... use gunpowder. Works for me.

When buying fireworks, remember: The bigger the firework, the higher it will fly, and the less likely it will be to hurt you.

If you are in the back yard or an open field... make sure the water hose is either broken... has a tear in it ... or better yet the whole water supply to the house/ property is turned off completely.

if you live in apartment complex or say in a condo or town home ... using large powerful fireworks in closet space will give you memories for a life time.

Just for fun. Everyone be safe. Happy 4th to all!