1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and

>>>>****head's.

>>>>

>>>> 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood

>>>>alcohol

>>>> content.

>>>>

>>>> 3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone

>>>>knows me

>>>>here.

>>>>

>>>> 4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with

>>>>'Guess' on

>>>> it. I Said, "Thyroid problem?"

>>>>

>>>> 5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect

>>>>just by

>>>> standing up really fast.

>>>>

>>>> 6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one

>>>>flea."

>>>>

>>>> 7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery

>>>>easier to

>>>>live with.

>>>>

>>>> 8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a

>>>>screamer or a

>>>>moaner.

>>>>

>>>> 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the

>>>>"terminal"?

>>>>

>>>> 10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many

>>>>of them

>>>> get elected.

>>>>

>>>> 11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has

>>>>absolutely

>>>>no

>>>> trade-in value.

>>>>

>>>> 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals

>>>>you

>>>> tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

>>>>

>>>> 13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one

>>>>special

>>>> person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

>>>>

>>>> 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling

>>>>alleys.

>>>>

>>>> 15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am

>>>>perfect.

>>>>

>>>> 16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of

>>>>consecutive

>>>> days I've stayed alive.

>>>>

>>>> 17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a

>>>>friend

>>>>my

>>>> plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have

>>>>"Schiffer

>>>>Brains."

>>>>

>>>> 18. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is

>>>>winning.

>>>>

>>>> 19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer,

>>>>cigarettes and

>>>> lottery Tickets, are always complaining about being

>>>>broke and

>>>>not

>> feeling well?

>>>>

>>>> 20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the

>>>>bathroom door

>>>> you're on.

>>>>

>>>> 21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like

>>>>having a

>>>> Peeing Section in a swimming pool?

>>>>

>>>> 22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with

>>>>a

>>>> relative.

>>>>

>>>> 23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want

>>>>to see

>>>> naked?

>>>>

>>>> 24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

>>>>

>>>> 25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's

>>>>wise

>>>> words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where

>>>>it's been!"

>>

A good list of jokes, Muddy!  8-)

That lightened up my day muddy

And I think about food.

Will have to start thinking about these topics now.

I've been under wee bit of stress last few days and those jokes made me relax and laugh a little. Thanks for posting.

Muddy,if I would start thinking like this I would save alot of money.When I have a slow fishing day I go to running all over the lake and at $3/gallon at 3 mpg....well you get my point.

Just like Muddy to bring the funny!Good jokes,sir!

lol sweater

Muddy, funny stuff ;D

Things that make you go "Hmmmm..."      ;D ;D ;D

"3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone  

>>>>knows me

>>>>here. "

I can relate to that one!  ;D ;D ;D

It reminds me of my shirt that says "I'm strange, maybe even crazy, but there's never a dull moment!"