Three stories ...

job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a

mcdonald's fast-food establishment in florida ... And

they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

Name: greg bulmash

Sex: not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

Desired position: company's president or vice

president. But seriously, whatever's available. If i

was in a position to be picky, i wouldn't be applying

here in the first place.

Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and

a michael ovitz style severance package. If that's not

possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Education: yes.

Last position held: target for middle management

hostility.

Salary: less than i'm worth.

Most notable achievement: my incredible collection of

stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reason for leaving: it sucked.

Hours available to work: any.

Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.M., Monday, tuesday, and

thursday.

Do you have any special skills?: Yes, but they're

better suited to a more intimate environment.

May we contact your current employer?: If i had one,

would i be here?

Do you have any physical conditions that would

prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs?: Of what?

Do you have a car?: I think the more appropriate

question here would be "do you have a car that runs?"

Have you received any special awards or recognition?:

I may already be a winner of the publishers clearing

house sweepstakes.

Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

What would you like to be doing in five years?: Living

in the bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy

blonde super model who thinks i'm the greatest thing

since sliced bread. Actually, i'd like to be doing

that now.

Do you certify that the above is true and complete to

the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.

Sign here: aries.

Saying right thing in the right time!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished

to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and

tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the

pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst

premonition, he opened the envelope and read the

letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing

you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I

wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so

nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of

all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle

clothes and because she is so much older than I am but

it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns

a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood,

enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of

having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana

doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and

trading it with the other people in the commune for

all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a

cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure

deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how

to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be

back to visit so you can get to know your

grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at

Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there

are worse things in life than the report card that's

in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his

company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a

drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at

all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the

party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did

something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the

first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a

glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a

single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in

front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around

the room and sees that it is in perfect order,

spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He

takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black

eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then

he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror

written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss

mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get

groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I

love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is

hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning

newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack

asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of

your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke

it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that

black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in

such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and

breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the

bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,

you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time. . .

PRICELESS!!!

Those stories are great!Good laugh!Thanx CJ

Man! If I ever pull something like that I sure hope I can remember that last story ...

                               As Ever,

                                skillet

Man! If I ever pull something like that I sure hope I can remember that last story ...

                               As Ever,

                                skillet

:

Great post Jeremyt

Pretty cool post.

funny post i needed that

Very funny stuff.

Falcon