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GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:!

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is . . having! money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is .. . having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*  

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-Ike

At age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is . . having! money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is .. . having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Crap... Looks like we are all screwed!!!!! ;D ;D ;D

Thats good ill be sure to pass this on

That was pretty good!  Some of those were great!  ;D ;D ;D ;D  

I'm pretty succesful for a 15 year old, i have friends, dont piddle my pants and even have money sometimes, which i dont really need until im 35  

Great truths about growing old no. 3  I gotta remember that one.  I love it!

Some random 'facts' I collected on the internet

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an

ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of

a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large

fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain

the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in

the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the

garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls

and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone

we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns

in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the

process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics"

meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...

:D :D :D :D