A bud of mine sent these.

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    What are your green fees?

Staff:     38 dollars.

Caller:   Does that include golf?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    Yes, I need to get some information from you.  First, is

             this your correct phone number?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's

             the weather going to be like that day?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running

             late. Can you still get me out early?

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a

             bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?

Staff:     You mean a driving range?

Caller:   No, that's not it..,,,

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12

             o'clock and noon.

Staff:      Between 12 o'clock and noon?

Caller:    Yes.

Staff:      We'll try to squeeze you in.

Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:    Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?

Staff:      Yes, we have one at 10:15.

Caller:    What's the next time after that?

Staff:      We have one at 10:22.

Caller:    We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   How much to play golf today?

Staff:     25 to walk, 38 with a cart.

Caller:   38 dollars?

Staff:     No, 38 yen.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   What do you have for tee times tomorrow?

Staff:     What time would you like?

Caller:   What times do you have?

Staff:     What time of the day?

Caller:   Any time.

Staff:     Morning or afternoon?

Caller:   Whenever.

Staff:     We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the

             afternoon.  Would you like me to read the whole list?

Caller:   No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Do you have a dress code?

Staff:     Yes, we do. We require soft spikes..

Caller:   How about clothes?

Staff:     Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?

Staff:     Yes.

Caller:   How much for a bucket of large balls?

Staff:     Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you

             twice  as many small balls for the same price.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?

Staff:     Sure, what time would you like?

Caller:   Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock.  In the

            morning, if possible.

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Do you rent golf clubs there?

Staff:     Yes, they're 25 dollars.

Caller:   How much to rent a bag?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me

             he's on the 15th hole.  How many more holes                       to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?

Staff:     Yes.

Caller:   How much for a large bucket?

Staff:     Four dollars.

Caller:   Does that include the balls?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Do you have a twilight rate?

Staff:     Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.

Caller:   And what time does that start?

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:   Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.

Staff:     OK, what would you like to know?

Caller:   I don't know, that's why I called.

Staff:    Golf course, may I help you?

Caller:  My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and

said they stole them from your driving range.  Would you like

to buy them back?

Worked at a golf course long time ago, I got a call one day asking:

Do you have a driving range?

Sure do

How much for a bucket of balls?

What size would you like sir?

The biggest ones you've got, my wife is almost blind.

:-?

Also had a guy call up once and ask if we could "rig" the balls we put into the bucket at a driving range because he was trying to sell the set of clubs and wanted them to go farther..

 I guess truth is stranger than fiction. Most of those sounded like a Marx brother's routine ...

skillet