Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
BammerBass

I Feel So Darn Selfish

Recommended Posts

It is always wise to keep in mind that no matter how bad one may have it, there are others that have it equally as bad and in many cases, even worse off. We have to appreciate the good fortunes we have had anis ryd do have, and realise they are not to be taken for granted, as again, there are folks in the same shoes, and folks in much, much worse situations, be it financial, health, etc. We must keep those people in mind whenever wethink we have it bad. That said......

I have slipped into a state of utter depression, as you know my story, I had about a 3 year gap where neither me or my father had the opportunity to even wet a hook, and that just tore me to pieces, fishing is pretty much my passion, if there is time and opportunity to go, I WILL go, I've learned to enjoy it so much, even on the days that aren't quite as successful in terms of catching fish.

This brings us from this October to now. We finally had the opportunity to go fishing after a year of a lot of OT @ work, and then my father unfortunately being diwgnosed with prostate cancer and needing surgery last year. Fortunately it was found in time, no spread to bones, lymph nodes, or other organs, it was still within the prostate, albeit just barely, path report said there was a sample that seemed to show a positive involvement at a surgical margin. He did fine after thst, well we thought anyway, then 15 days later, he runs a fever of 103 and doctor wants him for exam immediately, then as we were going to the car, he collapses in the gravel, white as a ghost and looked to me like he was dead. He was not however, and got him to the hospital where he was diagnosed with bilateral DVT at the back of the knees and bilateral massive pulmonary emboli. He would spend a couple nights in icu at a larger facility, and 3 nore days in a regular room, followed by months of rehab. He is now currently better off, much better thsn the dsy he collapsed to be sure, but the fortunately, enough damage was done to prevent him from working at the steel plant ever again. Naturally this bummed him out, but he has lewrned to cope, though he stillnhas those days, and I dint blame him at all, I would probably be th same way.

And this summer being a year since the blood clots, he said we were gong to do some fishing, but here nfortunately was not able too, as this time, I broke out in body wide hives 4 different times, basically stayed broke out the entire summer, minus a couple weeks I had taken steroids. It even got so bad a specialist told men I could die as my lips jad started swelling one day and now I must tske epic pens every where I go, and keep them at reach at ALL times. Then just as suddenly as they came on, they fissappeared about th fist of September. Dad told me to stay inside another month to be on thr cautious side as we still weren't sure what caused the reaction (still dont know).

Finally the second weekend in October, got to go fishing for th first time in 3 years, as we felt finally both of us were ok to go. Went that second saturday with live worms, and caught several small bass and one brim. I was not really concerned with how much and rhe size of the catch, I was just beyond happy just to get to go again!! Went again thst following sunday, and boy what a day that was. Ended up with an epic fish battle as the first fish of that day was a bass, waa not expecting it, as I had a fish tackle on, but when I got it to the top my heart went flying, because in knew beyond shadow of a doubt, thay was the biggest bass id ever hooked!! And I know a guess is just that.... a guess, but jist looking at it, and getting it up to thr side of the pier and hldingnit there while dad tried to find a way to get down to it, we both figured it was most likely at least a 4 lber.... but then the line finally gave way after five minutes of holding it.... Naturally I was sick to my stomach, yet excited at the same time of almost catching a big bass, ans after that, it just got better, caught several nice bluegill and some rather large shellcracker, seemed every time id cast that live worm and floater, something just seemed to be waiting each time as it did not take long at all to get another bite.

All this made me thirsty and hungrier for more, and after a couple weeks, went again, this time catching a nice crappie and several decent drum, and a nice little 3lb channel cat. The following week, went again, and caught my first ever November bass 16 to 16.5" 2.3-2.5 lb largemouth. I was thrilled with that, very thrilled asonce again, tthay was the first bite of the day, and I never expect to actually hook or catch a quality bass, I always expect bluegill and shellcracker (which is fine with me if thatbis indeed all I get, im jist happy to fish!!)

But now with my health being in question again, and the weather being cold and lousy, it appears I will not get a chance to fish again any time soon, and this has me utterly bummed out. I got to were looking at my bros and reels becamendepressing, and talking about or watching YouTube videos of fishing made the depression that much worse. But I also feel selfish for feeling this way, as I said, many people have gone through far worse and dont jave the opportunities I have had. Heck, as I mentioned, my own father went through a time where it looked like his LIFE was in jeopardy, and yet here I am whining about not being able to fish? Makes me mad at myself, and it makes me feel u nappreciative and essentislly a slob. I want this to go away, but its not something I can just wish away.At my young age, I really should not be complaining like this, but it just feels like after finally getting to (briefly, anyway) return to my passion of fishing, that my heart has just sunk knowing it may be a while before I get a chance again, and nobody's guaranteed tomorrow, and just the idea of not going fishing ever again is really bringing me down..... though again, if that's the least of my worries, I am in better shape than a lot of people are,and for thwt, I am most definitely grateful, and absolutely hate it for those that are less fortunate. But dang, those not being able to fish thing just really has me in the dumps...... I hate writing such a depressing novel, but I felt like I needed to cut loose and air it out.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Get it out....know how you feel....definitely.  I was almost flower food this last year with acute pancreatitis and it was an awful road.  For months sat on a couch and took pain meds.  Then we lose our daughter to cancer.  Life has it's lows for sure and it's just human nature to desire health and some of it's pleasures.  Does make you realize when your in this spot what's important.  My motto is God, family and fishing.  As long as we're breathing there is hope.  The best to you and your family and Merry Christmas.  May God Bless.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Depression is a tuff pill to swollow. I've been dealing with it since 2009. I thought I could beat it by myself and I was wrong. I told the Dr. about it and he put me own some medicine. It was working at first and then I slipped back in. He upped my Dosage and my depression got better. I haven't been able to fish since the end of Octber because of a couple of Surgeries and some other medical procedures so I'm taking this down time to learn about some stuff that I haven't tried. So ask your Dr. for help. There's nothing wrong with it. It worked for me. God Bless and Merry Christmas

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Couldn't sleep, huh?  It may seem corny but here are some lines from the movie Contact- where an alien species makes contact with humans. It is a science fiction movie but it is much more about the human condition than it is about "aliens" or "outer space. "In all our searching, the only thing we found which makes the emptiness bearable, is each other."   Those who hold a more "theological" philosphy on the matter might find the above quote incomplete but to a lesser or greater degree it is true.  I can't say it more concisely than what was already said.  "All we have is each other."  Hang in there!  There are people who have it worse.  And there are those who might have it better.  But we ALL have pain, sadness, and suffering.  And it never goes away completely.  Not, at least, until it is our turn to fertilize the earth.  And then the pain is picked up by those who loved us.  I hope your troubles become more like an annoying little chihuahua nipping at your heels than a mean old pit bull that won't let go.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the kind responses, it is indeed a nasty little thing that seems to always stick around bit at other times it is easier to deal with than others. At times it is like a dinosaur chewing you apart and you feel utterly helpless, m and other times, it is indeed more like a nagging ankle biting childish that you can pretty much just side step and shake loose of it. Right now it is more of the dinosaur. As bad as it is i have to keep reminding myself that it could be far worse and others do have it far worse right now. But whenever you are unable to do what you are moat passionate about in life, it makes it difficult to shake. I think there was about a 2 or 3 day span where I didnt post here.im always excited to hewr about others catching a nice limit or their personal best on here, but all the fish talk and not being able to go just really weighed me down. And yup I was unable to sleep, as the time stamp suggests.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Depression can be a silent killer.

 

Get out of the house.

 

Look at the gear in the tackle shops and make a wish list.

 

Take a light spinning rig and go catch some bluegills when you can.

 

Think positive, although it will be difficult.

 

Sometimes you have to hit bottom to bounce up higher than where you were.

 

Hang in there and if you don't feel better please get some professional help.

 

We need you to continue to pay into FICA!!!!

 

Merry Christmas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As for the depression part. I'm to arrogant and self absorbed to get depression. At least that's what my ex wife tels me.

As for the fishing. Brother man you are in Alabama. Home of the mild winter and soft water year round. It's always time to fish down here. Come to Birmingham and I will put you on the bass. I love winter fishing down here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • fishing forum

    fishing

    fishing forum

    fishing rods

    fishing poles

    fishing

    fishing reels

    fishing poles

    fishing reels

    fishing

    fishing

    bass fish

    fish for bass
    fish

×