I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

*****

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

*****

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

*****

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

*****

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

*****

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

*****

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

*****

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the Interstate.

*****

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

*****

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. MY FAV..LOL

*****

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

*****

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

*****

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

**** *

How can there be self-help "groups"?

*****

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

*****

Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

;D  Very good jokes.

Good stuff, Squid.  My favorite:  All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Another Wright fan!!!!!!!! My Favorite

I went into a diner that had a sign out front BREAFAST SERVED AT ALL TIMES, so I ordered PANCAKES DURING THE RENNISANCE, they weren't amused ;D

Love Steven Wright.

"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand."

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."

 Steven Wright's mind must travel on a different wave-length than the rest of us. Having to think about something for a split-second to get the full effect is his middle name. I love it when he gets so tickled at himself that he can't hold that straight face...

                                                As Ever,

                                                 Skillet