Enjoy.............

This is why I miss Rodney Dangerfield  

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>>  My wife only has sex with me for only one purpose.

>> Last night she used me to time an egg.

>>  

>>  It's tough to stay married.  My wife kisses the dog

>> on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

>>  

>> Last night my wife met me at the front door.  She was

>> wearing a sexy negligee.  The only trouble was, she

>> was coming home.

>>

>> A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over.  There's

>> nobody home."  I Went over.  Nobody was home!

>>

>> A hooker once told me she had a headache.

>>

>> I went to a massage parlor.  It was self service.

>>

>> If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at

>> all.

>>

>> I was making love to this girl and she started crying.

>>  I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the

>> morning?"  She said, "No, I hate myself now."

>>

>> I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a

>> two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head

>> in case the bag over her head comes off.

>>

>> I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure

>> sex offenders.

>>

>> My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss

>> in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

>>

>> I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got

>> arrested for mooning.

>>

>> My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for

>> Alka-Seltzer.

>>

>> I know I'm not sexy.  When I put my underwear on I can

>> hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

>>

>> My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after

>> the meal.

>>

>> My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex - she

>> called me from Chicago last night.

>>  

 I never get any respect. I went to school. When I came home there was a note on the door. It said, "we moved."

LMAO rodney the TRUEIST comediian to ever speak.I miss Farley also :'(

I miss Rodney as well. His performance in Caddy Shack is legendary. Back in college I had one of his albums/tapes and I wore it out. Laughed everytime like it was the first time I heard it.

Thought about it and here are some of my favorite Rodney's:

• The first time I had sex, it was a wonderful, beautiful experience. Just wish someone else had been there to share it with me.
  
• I told my Son, you're young, you don't have an upstairs. He told me your old, you don't have a downstairs.
  
• I told my Son, you just wait. One day you will have children of your own. He said, one day, you will too.
  
• I asked my wife on our first date if I could give her a good night kiss on the cheek. She bent over.
  
• My wife, she's into S&M. Salesmen and Mechanics.
  
• I told my doctor, Dr. Vinne Boombah, that I just swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have drink and get some rest.
  
• Told my shrink I was thinking of suicide. He now wants me to pay in advance.
  

He is my all time favorite. He was certainly the king of the one liners. I saw a special on the comedy channel about him and they said he was one of the nicest guys you would ever want to meet. He evidently helped a ton of people get started in the business and coached them along the way. Rodney, you were one of a kind. I hope you have them laughing in heaven.

I read somewhere that you can tell a person has had a good life because when they were born they cried while everyone else was smiling, and when they died they were smiling while everyone else cried.  

I also read he was a fantastic person.  His charatable contrbutions were extensive, and he was in fact quick to help others break into the field.

RIP Rodney  you truely were one of a kind.