UPS Airplane Maintenance

Just in case you need a laugh...

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high

school diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of you who fly routinely in your jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never had an

accident.

     P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

     S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

     *

     P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

     S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

     *

     P: Something loose in cockpit

     S: Something tightened in cockpit

     *

     P: Dead bugs on windshield.

     S: Live bugs on back-order.

     *

     P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

     Descent

     S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

     *

     P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

     S: Evidence removed.

     *

     P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

     S: DME volume set to more believable level.

     *

     P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

     S: That's what friction locks are for.

     *

     P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

     S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

     *

     P: Suspected crack in windshield.

     S: Suspect you're right.

     *

     P: Number 3 engine missing.

     S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

     *

     P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

     S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

     *

     P: Target radar hums.

     S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

     *

     P: Mouse in cockpit.

     S: Cat installed.

     *

     And the best one for last

     *

     P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like

     a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

     S: Took hammer away from midget

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high

school diploma to fix one;

A great read, there is also one out there from the drivers (DVIR-driver vehicle inspection reports)

Rest assured however, your packages are safe,lol.  UPS puts their mechanics through a vigorous training program that makes college look easy.  The high school diploma just lets them know you are capable of learning.  After that, they want to mold you to THEIR needs.

The Fedex requirements and  training are very similar.

Our pilots however,...have VERY HIGH requirements to get into a UPS cockpit.  I believe a minimum of 10 yrs of commercial or military experience is needed just to apply.  The pay scale begins above 100k.  Our pilots are the best of the best, many military pilots find a home with UPS after their service.  They are a natural fit to our military way of running the business.

Too FUNNY!! Being a former Journeyman Aircraft Mechanic with DOD, I can totally relate to all of that!

I guess Sargent Foley should have said: "Before you can sell what we teach you over at UPS..." )

Props to our UPS mechanics! Without them the "pride don't ride!"

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like

    a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D good ones!

My current job is monitoring a classroom full of highschool students assigned to "in-school suspension"  and I cant tell you how hard it is to hide behind my desk laughing my @$$ just so they cant see me!  That last one is great

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

   

That Mechanic deffinitley graduated from the BROOKLYN MOOK TECH SCHOOL

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

That Mechanic deffinitley graduated from the BROOKLYN MOOK TECH SCHOOL

Could the mechanic possibly be you Muddy?  ;D