WARNING:  DO NOT read this in the presence of your wife unless you have the @##@ to defend yourself.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows

Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me..'

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How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to

Build up the required pressure.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the

front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive

by 90%

It's called a Wedding Cake.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

My friend sent that to me a few times.

A classic but still funny!!

LOL!!! If anybodys wife sees this they are   !!  ;D ;D

8-)

Very FUNNY! Ahgagagagaga!!!

 of course my dear,, I would never,, ahem,, agree with that...    

Ouch, ohhhh ouch,, put down that cast iron frying pan,,, ouch..  

 Really like the one about not building up enough pressure ;D...

                             As Ever,

                              skillet

 of course my dear,, I would never,, ahem,, agree with that...    

Ouch, ohhhh ouch,, put down that cast iron frying pan,,, ouch..  

You crack me up the way you illustrated your post with the smilies.