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frogtog

Who Likes To Fly.

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> UPS Air Cargo

>

> Just in case you need a laugh:

> Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only

> a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of

> us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS

> pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'

> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

> mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on

> the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before

> the next flight.

>

> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of

> humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints

> submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the

> solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

> engineers.

>  

>

> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never,

> ever, had an accident.

>

> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

> *

> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

> *

> P: Something loose in cockpit

> S: Something tightened in cockpit

> *

> P: Dead bugs on windshield.

> S: Live bugs on back-order.

> *

> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per

> minute descent.

> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

> *

> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

> S: Evidence removed.

> *

> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

> S: DME volume set to more believable level.

> *

> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

> S: That's what friction locks are for.

> *

> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

> *

> P: Suspected crack in windshield.

> S: Suspect you're right.

> *

> P: Number 3 engine missing.

> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

> *

> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be

> serious.

> *

> P: Target radar hums.

> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

> *

> P: Mouse in cockpit.

> S: Cat installed.

> *

> And the best one for last

> *

> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a

> midget pounding on something with a hammer.

> S: Took hammer away from midget.    

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. It kind of reminds me of the "Gripe Sheets" I get at work (maintenance requisitions).

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