A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends very late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's with the big brass gong?' one of the friends asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk slurred in response.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend. 'How's it work?'

'Watch,' the drunk replied. He stumbled across the room, picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood in silence, looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You idiot..it's three-fifteen in the morning!!'

how is a hurricane and marriage alike

at the beginning theirs blowing at the end your house is gone

Funny stuff right there!! ;D

The Clintons were hosting a third world dignitary to the White House, when he asked Hillary were the bathroom was, Mrs. Clinton told him through the master bedroom.

She told him to go through the bedroom and to the left. Well, because of the language difference he went right and when he came out he seemed a bit upset.

The dignitary told his wife that he could not believe how poor his country men were and the President of the US had a GOLD URINAL. He was in fact very put off by this sign of opulance and he and his wife , very curtely excused themselves and left

Bill and Hillary thought nothing more of it and she went to read and he went to get into some music

He walked into where she was reading and asked:

" Who in the &^#$! Peed in my SAXAPHONE???