HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES            

 

-- I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

-- Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

-- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

-- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

-- The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

-- The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on  it.

-- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

-- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

-- A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

-- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

-- A will is a dead giveaway.

-- A backward poet writes inverse.

-- A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

-- With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

-- A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blown apart.

-- A calendar's days are numbered.

-- A boiled egg is hard to beat.

-- If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

-- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

-- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis

lol, corny but not to shabby!

I like it Muddy! ;D ;D ;D ;D

Did you hear about the sick guppy?

He went to a fishysian who couldn't help.

So for the halibut, they sent him to a famous sturgeon. :-/

           (Abbott and Costello)

Way too much time on your hands dude - you need to go fishing!   (Actually I love this stuff - puns are the highest form of humor).

Way too much time on your hands dude - you need to go fishing! (Actually I love this stuff - puns are the highest form of humor).

Tell that to Lenny Bruce or Bill Hicks :

Muddy that was perfect to read on my study break.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Now matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

LOL here is one I made up

so the other day my sisthers boyfriend was filling out of form for his motorcycle repair and he had to check the odometer. He was like "oh dang how can I check my odometer reading if its not here?"

to which I replied

"Yeah, those Obama-ter readings are a real McCain in the butt"

;D