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FROM THE MUD VAULT: For my Team Depends Brothers

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> Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to

> the very elderly widow and asked,

> 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she

> replied.

> 'Two years older than me.'

> 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

> She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'


> Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

> 'And what do you think is the best thing

> about being 104?' the reporter asked.

> She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'





> Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy,

> isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's

> Thursday!'

> Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'




> I've sure gotten old!

> I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

> new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

> I'm half blind,

> can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

> take 40 different medications that

> make me dizzy, winded , and subject to blackouts.

> Have bouts with dementia.

> Have poor circulation;

> hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

> Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

> Have lost all my friends.

> But, thank God,

> I still have my driver's license.





> My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

> Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting

> on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and

> said: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just

> full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How

> do you feel?'

> Slim said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

> 'Really!? Like a newborn baby?'

> 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my

> pants.'


> A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new

> hearing aid... It cost me four thousand dollars, but its

> state of the art. It's perfect.'

> 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is

> it?'

> 'Twelve thirty', he replied.








> It's scary when you start making the same noises

> as your coffee maker.




> Grant me the senility to forget the people

> I never liked anyway ,

> the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

> the eyesight to tell the difference.

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