A scruffy looking man walks into a bar and sits down. He looks at the bar tender and says "I bet you a free beer that I can pull out my eye, pain free, and sit it on the table in front of you." The bartender, knowing this is impossible, takes the bet and the man promptly pulls out his glass eye and sits it on the table. The bar tender feels slightly cheated but the man did what he said so he gave him his free beer. When the scruffy looking man finished his beer, he looked at the bar tender again and said "I bet you another free beer that I can bite my other eye." The bar tender, knowing the man couldn't possibly have a second glass eye, readily agreed. The man promptly pulled out a set of dentures and used them to bite his other eye. Again, the bar tender felt cheated but the man did do what he said he could so he slid another beer across the table. The scruffy man finished his beer and then abruptly got up, moved across the bar and sat down with a man in the corner of the bar. The bar tender watched the two men, who did not appear to know each other, talk for approximately fifteen minutes. Finally, the scruffy man got up, walked across the room and approached the bar tender again. He said "I bet you $100 I can pee in a shot glass placed 10 feet away while standing on top of the bar without getting a drop outside the glass." The bar tender, knowing this was truly impossible, agreed and set the shot glass up 10 feet. The scruffy man stood on top of the bar and let fly, not getting his urine anywhere near the shot glass. Then the man stepped down from the bar and began laughing hysterically. The bar tender joined him in laughing and said "what could possibly be so funny, you just lost $100?" The scruffy man looked at him with a laugh and replied "what's so funny is I just bet that bloke in the corner $300 that I could pee all over your bar without making you mad!"

A man walks into a bar in England and sits down at the bar in obvious exhaustion. He looks up at the bar tender and says "pour me a scotch, I really need it." The bar tender pours his scotch and asks him if he had a rough day at work. The man replies "Terrible, you don't know what its like taking care of the royal family's dogs."

"Taking care of the royal family's dogs? That sounds like a cushy job, are they well behaved?" asked the bartender

"Well behaved?!?" replied the man, "They smell, they hump everything that moves, and the whole lot of them are inbred."

"Really, that surprises me, I would have thought better." The bartender replied.

"Yeah," said the man, "and those dogs aren't the friendliest bunch either!"

A young, rich man in an expensive suit walks into a bar and sits down. "Poor me a three year old scotch." demands the man. The bar tender goes to the back, pours the scotch, and hands it to the man. The young man tastes it, then spits it out in a rage. "This is only one year old scotch, how dare you present a man of my importance with inferior scotch, now, pour me a six year old bourbon." The bar tender again goes to the back, pours the drink, and hands it to the man. He tastes it, spits it out everywhere, and replies "That bourbon is only four years old, how dare you present a man of my importance with inferior bourbon, now pour me some twelve year old white wine, and get it right." For the third time, the bartender goes back, pours a drink, and hands it to the man. The man tastes the wine, spits it out, and replies "this is only nine year old white wine, how dare you present a man of my importance with inferior wine." The bartender apologizes profusely about the quality of his drinks. An old drunk, having observed all this, slides a flask down the bar to the man and slurs "drink it, I believe you'll find it to your liking." The man opens the flask and takes a swig, then promptly spits it out all over the bar, screaming "That tastes like pee!!!" The old drunk looks up at the young man and replies, "It is pee, now tell me how old I am!"

Hope you enjoyed!!!

The first one was great!

I liked the first one too.

A horse walks into a bar and says to the bartender "give me a beer"

The bartender replies "why the long face"

A length of rope walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

Bartender replies " Sorry, we dont serve ropes here"

Dejectedly the rope walks out the door into the street and is hit by a passing truck. The truck drags him down the street a couple blocks, tangling him up and beating the crap out of him.

He walks back into the bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

Bartender replies "Hey, arent you that rope that was just in here?"

Rope " Nope, i'm a frayed knot"

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...Hey, it could happen...

A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.  The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve pigs here."  The woman says, "But this is a duck."  The bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

Bob, after having a few too many at the bar, decides its time to go.  As he tries to stand, he promptly fall on his face.  "I'm okay," he says and crawls to the door.  As he gets to the door, he tries to stand up, but falls on his face again  "I'm okay," he says again, and decides to just crawl home.  When he gets there, he's so tired that he decides to sleep on the couch.  When he wakes up, his wife is there, sees him, and says, "Bob, you big drunk, did you leave your wheelchair at the bar again?"

A man walks into a bar with a large chunk of asphalt under his arm. He tells the barkeep, "Let me get two beers. One for me and one for the road".