Billions and billions of years ago, there was nothing, except for a tiny speck of matter, unimaginably dense, trillions of times heavier than the not-yet-formed earth.  Unable to contain itself, the speck exploded.  Matter spread out at nearly the speed of light.  Suddenly, a universe was born.  Energy and matter reunited and became stars.  Dust collected, compacted and became planets.  They all came together, started the swirl and became solar systems.  Solar systems came together and became galaxies.  

On an outer arm of just another galaxy, a star burned brightly.  It's planets spun around it.  The third planet was favored.  Its center was molten lava, but its crust was hard.  Has spewed from cracks in the crust and in millions of years an atmosphere was formed.  Soon, rain fell.  Acid at first, then water.  Then the water evaporated and clouds formed.  A few at first, then more and more.  In a few million more years, there was water on the surface, and water in the sky.  Complex acids swirled in the water.  Then lightning flashed, and those complex acids became life.  

Over a billion or more years, those acids became cells.  Those cells came together and formed the simplest forms of life.  Over another billion years, those cells became animals.  By now, hundreds of thousands of generations of life had come and gone.  But life was here to stay.  

One day, life pulled itself from the water and breathed a breath.  Millions of years passed and the life that had only been at home in the water found that environment hostile.  The land life evolved.  It became amphibians, then reptiles, then dinosaurs, the mammals.  

Life kept going until 65 million years ago something happened and most life was obliterated.   But the creatures that had lived in the shadows of the great dinosaurs now ruled the earth.  Over the next tens of millions of years, those animals lived and died and became the creatures we know today.  

Two billions years, life had come and gone.  It grew, lived, reproduced and died.  It all piled up.  Over these millions and millions of years, all that life, all that organic matter became oil.  

One day man saw oil, perhaps bubbling up through the ground.  Not knowing what it was at first, the intelligent humans found uses for it.  For fuel for lamps, then fuel for vehicles, and in the last 60 years or so, for plastic.

PLASTIC!  Oh, what a magical material.  It was tough, waterproof, and could be molded into infinite shapes.

One day, a man named Hoover started a vacuum company.  It survives even to this day.  Long after Hoover died, engineers in the spirit of Hoover created new products.  Among them was the Hoover Steam Vac Spin Clean.  Engineers decided that plastic was the appropriate material to use for the water collection bucket.  Plastic - that magical material made of oil.  Oil, millions of years in the making.  But when they were done designing it, they had 2 grams of plastic left over.  Some higher power inspired them to put two flanged on the bucket about 3 inches apart that were totally unnecessary, but it did use up the rest of the left over plastic.  Those flanges don't do anything, but they do make it hard to snap on attachments.

I happened to buy one of these Steam Vacs.  Today, I tried to snap the attachment on the bucket.  I succeeded in breaking both of those flanges off.  One hit me in each eye.  I now have a nice knick on both eyelids.  It was too perfect to be just chance.  They snapped off like rockets, each hitting me in the center of each eye.  It took me a few minutes to determine I was only minimally injured.  

Where's all this going, you might ask (if you've gotten this far)?  Well, it's my attempt to explain that I think God loves complex irony, even if it takes billions of years to manifest itself.  

Good one, God.  5 billion years just to pop me in the eyes with some plastic.  

Holy crap!  I'm gonna pee myself if I read something else like that without going to the potty soon!

Wow I thought this only happened to me.

I wish 2 bass would jump out of the water and hit me....in the eyes...next weekend. (2) 4 pounders would be nice.

I'm speachless.

When He was done chuckling, He let me catch a really big pickerel.  So we're good, now.  

Good grief. I can't believe that I read all of that to find out that news! Ha. That was a good story though.  

Micro,

You have too much time on your hands.  

NOW THAT RIGHT THERE IS FUNNY!

Well done

You may have a class action suit on your hands,  put a T.V. commercial on so you can recruit other Hoover users that suffered injuries as a result of flying plastic flanges.