Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........ 

My tire was thumping..

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me. 

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?" 

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband. 

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby? 

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold, someone to love.

After having met you...

I've changed my mind.

I never believed in Hell until I met you. 

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me. 

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad !

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike! 

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a very long time...

let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was? 

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

LOL

good ones. I like the second one down.

too funny!!! I wish hallmark had a "brutally honest" section.

happy birthday uncle dad. ;D ;D ;D ;D except i'm sure that'd be available in Mississippi also

Too funny!

hahahaha these are great!

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

Man this one cracked me up.  I know people that that has happened too. 

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

that what maury show is for