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Raul

Southern humor

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TENNESSEE

THE OWNER OF A GOLF COURSE WAS CONFUSED ABOUT PAYING AN INVOICE,

SO HE DECIDED TO ASK HIS SECRETARY FOR SOME MATHEMATICAL HELP. HE

CALLED HER INTO HIS OFFICE AND SAID, 'YOU GRADUATED FROM THE UNIVERSITY

OF TENNESSEE AND I NEED SOME HELP. IF I WERE TO GIVE YOU $20,000, MINUS

14%, HOW MUCH WOULD YOU TAKE OFF?'

THE SECRETARY THOUGHT A MOMENT, AND THEN REPLIED, 'EVERYTHING

BUT MY EARRINGS.'

ALABAMA

A GROUP OF ALABAMA FRIENDS WENT DEER HUNTING AND PAIRED OFF IN

TWOS FOR THE DAY. THAT NIGHT, ONE OF THE HUNTERS RETURNED ALONE,

STAGGERING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF AN EIGHT-POINT BUCK. 'WHERE'S HENRY?'

THE OTHERS ASKED.

'HENRY HAD A STROKE OF SOME KIND. HE'S A COUPLE OF MILES BACK UP

THE TRAIL,' THE SUCCESSFUL HUNTER REPLIED.

'YOU LEFT HENRY LAYING OUT THERE AND CARRIED THE DEER BACK?'

THEY INQUIRED.

'A TOUGH CALL,' NODDED THE HUNTER. 'BUT I FIGURED NO ONE IS

GOING TO STEAL HENRY!'

TEXAS

THE SHERIFF PULLED UP NEXT TO THE GUY UNLOADING GARBAGE OUT OF

HIS PICK-UP INTO THE DITCH. THE SHERIFF ASKED, "WHY ARE YOU DUMPING

GARBAGE IN THE DITCH? DON'T YOU SEE THAT SIGN RIGHT OVER YOUR HEAD".

"YEP", HE REPLIED. "THAT'S WHY I DUMPING IT HERE, CAUSE IT SAYS 'FINE

FOR DUMPING GARBAGE'.

LOUISIANA

A SENIOR AT LSU WAS OVERHEARD SAYING... 'WHEN THE END OF THE

WORLD COMES, I HOPE TO BE IN LOUISIANA .'  WHEN ASKED WHY, HE REPLIED

HE'D RATHER BE IN LOUISIANA BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAPPENS IN LOUISIANA 20

YEARS LATER THAN IN THE REST OF THE CIVILIZED WORLD.

MISSISSIPPI

THE YOUNG MAN FROM MISSISSIPPI CAME RUNNING INTO THE STORE AND

SAID TO HIS BUDDY, 'BUBBA, SOMEBODY JUST STOLE YOUR PICKUP TRUCK FROM

THE PARKING LOT!'

BUBBA REPLIED, 'DID YOU SEE WHO IT WAS?'

THE YOUNG MAN ANSWERED, 'I COULDN'T TELL, BUT I GOT HIS LICENSE

NUMBER.'

GEORGIA

A GEORGIA STATE TROOPER PULLED OVER A PICKUP ON I- 75. THE

TROOPER ASKED, 'GOT ANY I. D.?'

THE DRIVER REPLIED, 'BOUT WHUT?'

NORTH CAROLINA

A MAN IN NORTH CAROLINA HAD A FLAT TIRE, PULLED OFF ON THE SIDE

OF THE ROAD, AND PROCEEDED TO PUT A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN FRONT OF THE

CAR AND ONE BEHIND IT.

THEN HE GOT BACK IN THE CAR TO WAIT.  A PASSERBY STUDIED THE

SCENE AS HE DROVE BY AND WAS SO CURIOUS HE TURNED AROUND AND WENT BACK.

HE ASKED THE FELLOW WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS.

THE MAN REPLIED, 'I HAVE A FLAT TIRE.'

THE PASSERBY ASKED, 'BUT WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWERS?'

THE MAN RESPONDED, 'WHEN YOU BREAK DOWN THEY TELL YOU TO PUT

FLARES IN THE FRONT AND FLARES IN THE BACK.  HEY, IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE

TO ME NEITHER.'

SOUTH CAROLINA

'YOU CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THE SOUTH, BUT I AIN'T NEVER

HEARD OF ANYONE WANTING TO RETIRE TO THE NORTH!!

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