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deaknh03

funny stuff

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These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in

>> the

>> New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but,

>> boy, are these funny!)

>>

>> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has

>> started to dig.

>>

>> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.

>>

>> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

>>

>> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

>>

>> 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to

>> achieve them.

>>

>> 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold

>> it all together.

>>

>> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.

>>

>> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

>>

>> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't

>> coming..

>>

>> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a

>> week.

>>

>> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out

>> 1,000,000 others.

>>

>> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

>>

>> These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were

>> taken off actual police car videos around the country:

>>

>> 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just

>> went through."

>>

>> 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch

>> after you wear them a while."

>>

>> 3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate

>> a worthless document."

>>

>> 4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

>>

>> 5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the

>> speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

>>

>> 6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can

>> write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

>>

>> 7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it

>> will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

>>

>> 8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that

>> again or I'll give you another ticket."

>>

>> 9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk

>> or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

>>

>> 10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go

>> to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey

>> poop."

>>

>> 11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster

>> oven."

>>

>> 12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."  (National Crime

>> Information Center)

>>

>> 13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

>>

>> 14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're

>> allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

>>

>> 15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of

>> yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

>>

>> AND THE WINNER IS....

>>

>> 16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we

>> don't.. Sign here."

>>

>

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I've read most of these before in one form or another, but some of these are classic.

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now i got ideas to put on my students 5 week reports that are coming up haha

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Some of those are actually funny!  ;D

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Thanks for the laugh.   :)

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