I'll start:

About 10-12 years ago my brother-in-law and I, and a couple other people, decided to fish offshore near Oregon Inlet, North Carolina.   On the way out, we saw what looked like a plastic sandwich bag floating in the water.  I said it was a Portuguese Man-O-War.  My B-in-L disagreed so we slowed to take a closer look.   When we got up to it, he started to poke it with his rod tip.  A piece of tentacle got stuck on the rod tip.  He went to reach for it and I told him not to touch it since it could sting even though detached.  So he got the bright idea to shake it loose.  When he did, a piece about 1/2 inch came off and landed on his cheek just under his eye.  It took about 10 seconds to kick in.  Then he freaked.  Then the rest of us all laughed so hard beer came our our noses.  I still laugh about that.

I can't think of the funniest right now but one that keeps popping in my head is one time me and my friends went out to one friends grandfathers land to fish.

Well we took this little jon boat and decided it was a good idea to fit 3 of us on there, while the 4th just fished from shore. Well some how I got shafted into sitting in the middle. Well about 30 mins in I was fishing a little 3in Husky Jerk and when I reeled it all the way in it was beside my friends head. Well I guess because the rattle in it made a noise he thought it was a bee and started smacking it against his head.

He hit it over and over and over because he thought it was stinging him and he was trying to kill it. I couldn't help but die laughing because he would not stop hitting it against his head and his face was so funny looking because I guess he was in pain. I finally had to yell at him to stop. hahahahha After he was done 2 of the trebles were stuck in his head and had little spots on his hand from hitting the hooks. I have a picture somewhere I'll post it when I find it.

I should not tell such a story on myself.  But I'm secure enough, or senile enough to do so.

Goes back to the early 50s when I was ten or eleven years old.

The gas station up the corner sold cigarettes, soda and other odds and ends in addition to gasoline and oil.

They sold a couple of styles of balsa planes.  One was a balsa stick about a half inch square and five or six inches long.  The fuselage had a slot for the wing to slide through, and the tail had slots to receive the vertical and horizontal tail pieces.  On the front of the fuselage was a metal band that wrapped around a bit to take the abuse of nosedives.

The wing could be slid forward or back to make it fly reasonably straight or to do loops. 

With it in the looping position you'd toss it toward the ground, and if done right, the plane would make a couple of loop de loops before coming to rest on the ground.

We had chickens that roamed around in the yard.

On one of my particulary good tosses, the plane made the first loop, and lodged itself in the rectum of one of the chickens.  The chicken lept into the air, then ran around wildly trying to get the foreign object out of its rear.

Believe me, having a beverage come out of your nose is nothing compared to what happened to me, because I laughed so hard.

My mom made me go into the creek that ran alongside our property to take off and rinse out my drawers.

Then there was the time a mouse ran up my pants leg and I managed to pin him to my leg about four inches short of where it could have done some serious damage.

I managed to undo my pants with the other hand, then get my jeans off while keeping my grip on the mouse beneath my jeans with the other.

Both are memorable, but the chicken running around with the balsa plane sticking out of its rear end takes the cake.

You've heard about chickens running around with their heads cut off.  Trust me, that's a slow waltz compared to the gyrations that chicken performed.

By the way, the chicken survived, though its dignity was in tatters.

The Hangover

Fishing Rhino, I just sprayed vodka and pineapple juice outta my nose thanks to you.  Its all over my keyboard.  Thanks.

Fishing Rhino, I just sprayed vodka and pineapple juice outta my nose thanks to you. Its all over my keyboard. Thanks.

Ditto for me, but it was this mornings coffee!

I wonder if poor Rhino ever got a splinter after that from eating scrambled eggs?  ;D

LOL I can't think of anything to top Rhino's post.Thanks 

One morning my fishing partner and I were fishing in a cove about 500 yards from the ramp. We see this old dilapidated house boat anchored about 100 yards off the shore. While we are fishing we notice that a couple is living on this house boat and they decide they want to get to shore. So they hop in their inflatable 8 ft boat. I notice that they don't have a paddle. The guy is leaning over the front of the inflatable with a cigarette hanging out of his and his old lady has a red solo cup, presumably with some type of alcoholic beverage, but it was about 9:30 in the morning. So the guy starts paddling with his arms to get to shore. It was one of the funniest things I can recall that I saw recently. Oh yeah the house boat also had a rebel flag hanging off the back.

:D :'( :DOK one time wen i was about 11,me and a friend would go to work with his dad cause there was a canal that ran out back of it,this was right in down town Ithaca N.Y well we were fishing we look across the water and see three homeless people drinking some beer and wen it was gone the two guys got in to a full on fist fight on who was gonna take the two 40 oz. back to get more beer it was grate

About 5 years ago:

My dad, his good friend Jon, and I, decided to go on a fishing/camping trip. We spent all of day one out in the boat cathing fish, having a good time. We headed to the campground and set up camp. We had all been drinking throughout the day and were having ourselves a merry time. While the old boys were cooking, I got out the catfishing stuff out for our evening adventure.

One of the rods, I had never used. I tied on a 2 oz ball weight just to see if it even casted. I had just retrieved the weight and it was hanging about 5 ft from the rod tip.

That is when I noticed my old man bent over getting something out of the cooler, with his back to me...

My dad is a big man. 6 foot 5 and about 275. He is a bear of a man. Which made it even more entertaining when I flipped that 2 oz weight forward in a pendulum motion and it went between his legs, swung around and up, and crushed him in his left .

He dropped to the ground in an instant, in the classic, " oww my balls!" fetal position and writhed in pain. He would try to get up, or reach for me, but couldnt. He tried to yell at me, but it was unintelligible. All he could really manage to do was wriggle around in the dirt and whimper.

Jon and I were beside ourselves, it was soo funny, and our intoxication level so high, that I ended up on the ground, laughing so hard I threw up.

His girlfriend at the time later informed me that it swelled to the size of a lemon. I laughed.

It was a d**k move on my part, sure, but d**n if it wasn't funny! I really wish that had been caught on video.

I once saw a guy with one of those remote control model airplanes who carefully took the plane out of it's box; got it ready to fly; told everyone to stay back; and saw the plane take off - do a 180* turnover in the air - and land prop first into the ground and busted up.

I went into hysterics.

Still laugh about it today.  ;D   ;D   ;D

biscuit the sleepwalking dog. if u havent seen it google it. great stuff. would post but cant (im still a noob on forums)

I'll add another.  Not as funny as the chicken thing, but quite funny in its own right.

I was with a friend at the fishing docks in Fairhaven, across the Acushnet River from New Bedford.

We heard some angry hollering, and found its source.  It was a father and son in a heated argument.  I knew them both, and they were really nice guys, but put dad and son together, and the sparks would fly.

The dad was known to everyone as "The Greek" because of his nationality.  Both men approached Sumo wrestler proportions.

Funny thing, the dad, for all his size had a squeaky high pitched voice.

Well, they were working on lobster gear, and loading the boat.

As the argument got more heated, the son slammed one of the lobster pots to the ground.  The dad, who was working a short distance away, not to be outdone, slammed his to the ground even harder. 

One would shout at the other, and slam something to the ground.  The other would get even fiercer and slam something he had to the ground.

It brought to mind a couple of rams snorting, stamping and pawing at the ground.  The challenge prior to the fight.  The analogy is not far off the mark.

At some point, they stepped away from their gear, and charged at each other.  No punches were thrown.  They were engaged in what must be a traditional Greek way of settling arguments.  Belly bucking.

Like a couple of rams, but using bellies rather than heads, they'd charge, thrust out their ample guts and crash into each other, then rebound backward.  Neither fell to the ground.

After a half dozen or so of these charges, without a word to each other they went back to working on their lobster gear.

At the beach one year I saw two guys riding bicycles down the street next to each other. There was an alley on their left. Well, one guy wanted to go straight, the other guy ( on the outside of the other guy) swung wide, and cut sharply to go down the alley. They collided and both flew off the bikes. At this point i was almost on the ground laughing. They got up and when they went to pick their bikes back up, they were badly entangled. I was crying laughing as I walked past them.

Alright, I heard this but got the visual from my father.

I grew up on a town on the Erie Canal. My dad had a 21 ft after cabin cruiser and occasionally we would take it down to the dock and sort of camp down at the canal. My small town had its share of nuts. First thing in the morning there would be a handful of extremely mentally unstable homeless folks who would sneak around taking empty cans out of trash cans and boats for the deposit. At the end of it all they would go to McD's.

So this one day, they come back to the dock after their McD's trip (from here on in I was in the cabin and could hear it while my father watched). One guy has a big mac, one a fry, one a Coke. The idea had been they would share. Instead these guys start a battle royal against each other, swearing, throwing haymakers (very poorly aimed ones). and finally they get into a 3 guy man pile and arm wrestling around for the meal, they all roll right off the dock into the canal with their food.

I don't know what the funniest was, but this trip always makes me laugh

So yesterday I took my little cousins out for some trout fishing during the day and my uncle out for some nighttime bass fishing.  While the fishing was a lot of fun, the best part of this trip was the drive to the lake... I witnessed one of the most epic suicides ever.

So i'm driving on a semi rural highway towing the boat, I'm stuck behind 3 vehicles, a El Camino, and 2 SUV's behind him.  We come around a slight bend in the road and come upon a long bridge, maybe a 1/4 mile long and a couple hundred feet high.  As we are coming up to it I notice a couple deer that have climbed up the hill from underneath the bridge and are emerging on the side of the bridge.  As the El Camino gets closer he notices the deer emerging and starts slowing down (Going 65MPH).  The deer, of course, jumps in front of the Camino and gets hit.  At this point the El Camino is only going about 35 MPH during impact.  The impact more or less just knocks the legs out from under the deer, but from my vantage point I can see everything.  I see the deer go on top of the hood, up and over the cab and right into the bed of this El Camino. 

At this point I'm like "HOLY COW"!!!  What are the chances of that.  What happens next though just totally blew my mind.  After all this went down, the driver of the El Camino seemed to be pretty flustered and pulled over on the shoulder of this bridge.  By now he was 200 feet onto the bridge and stopped.  Well apparently this impact didn't kill the deer, only flustered him.  As I get closer I see the deer jump up in frantic in the bed of this El Camino.  You could tell it was scared, startled, and didn't know what to do, so what does it do?  It jumps out of the bed of the El Camino and up and over the guardrail of this bridge  .  150 feet to it's death   :-/.  I was in absolute aww.  What a way to go though.   The two SUV's ahead of me stopped, but I was in a hurry to get to the lake so I kept going.  I've never seen anything like it before...

But onto the fishing. - my little cousins were able to catch lots of trout.  It's always fun to see their faces light up when they catch fish.  The night fishing was pretty good as well.  I found a pretty good top water bite that produced about 15 fish.  The biggest going just under 4#'s on a Mattlures Hard gill.  I kept getting lots of 2 pound spots on the gill, so I decided to go bigger to hopefully produce bigger fish.  I bumped it up to a 9" slammer, but only got smaller 1 pound fish on it.  All in all it was a great trip, and I got to see a part of "Nature" i will never see again.   ;D

The travel baseball team my brother and I used to play for (a whole organization of different age groups, not just one team) hosted a big fundraising tournament every year on the Fourth of July weekend. It was a big deal, with weeks works of planning and sponsors donations, etc. Basically, it was a great time.

Anyway my brother's team was playing for the championship. It was a heated game that went into extra-innings. Players and coaches felt the pressure. There was a certain air of adrenalin and excitement that you could sense as you walked in the park.

As the night went on, words started to be exchanged between parents of both teams. I can honestly say that our fans and players were being very respectful. The others, not so much. It ended up getting to the point where parents from both sides became threatening, and husbands were telling their wives to go to the cars. Well, my dad is a big dude. 6'6", probably 275. Funny thing is, the other coaches on our team were, respectively, 6'7", 6'5", and two 6'6" men. The 6'7" man is a monster. He once bench pressed me ten times at a game to be funny, and I'm 220.

To shorten the story, I'll just say that all of the big men walked over and "had a word" with the obnoxious dads on the other side.

Not another word was said the rest of the night ;D

This just happened a few weeks ago while I was out ice fishing.  Saw one of those ATV / boat vehicle flying around the lake, with 3 guys on it.  The guy in the back somehow fell out and the driver/other guy did not see him fall out.  So the guy who fell out got up and started running after the ATVfull speed on ice too!  My Godhe was sprinting hella fast with boots on ice!!  He's yelling and waving his hands while chasing the ATV.  He was right behind itthe driver saw him and hits the brakes.  Guy running behind the ATV, slams into the back of the ATV and falls down.  The two guys jumps off and tries to help their bud off the ice.  The guy was down on the ice for about a minute or two.  OMGthat was funny as heck!