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retiredbosn

Dumb Things You Have Said Or Done

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Ok, you know how some ppl have that knack for doing or saying stupid things? Or just have funny stuff happen to them? Sometimes I think I'm at the top of that list. I've heard ppl say their life is like a soap opera, mine is more like a sitcom. Thought we could share some stories. I'll start

while in the Coast Guard, we had inspections just like every other branch. On one occasion we had just got a new commander at the group level. Of course they wanted to tour all the units and do an inspection. On that fateful day I made sure all of my guys were standing tall. Got dressed and had the XO look over my uniform, good to go. Well it was cold that day, were are all in formation waiting at attention. The commander finally makes it to me and after a minute she asks "petty officer what's that on your jacket?" I look down and inform her, "Ma'm that would be a booger." The guy next to me busts out laughing. So much for making a good first impression! :-)

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I once deposited a pile of dog dodo on my neighbors doorstep after stepping In several piles 3 weeks In a row.

I proudly told my ex about my deed and as deadpan as she could be she Informed me that my neighbor didn't own a dog. :)

I quickly retrieved said pile!

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I once deposited a pile of dog dodo on my neighbors doorstep after stepping In several piles 3 weeks In a row.

I proudly told my ex about my deed and as deadpan as she could be she Informed me that my neighbor didn't own a dog. :)

I quickly retrieved said pile!

That's funny right there.

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The State had purchased 8,000 acres and I was to turn it into a State Forest. We had owned it for apppox. 6 months. I was driving the boundry lines and came upon a freshly made wooden ladder tree stand. I cut it up into small pieces with my chainsaw and then put my business card in the middle of it. That afternoon I got a call from a neighboring landowner letting me know that the stand was on his property not mine. I met him at the site and by night fall I had built a replacement stand. We had a good relationship from then on.

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I bought a M/L baitcast rod and a 50 size reel, so excited to use it I took it to the creek to trout fish. First cast hang up across the creek, nothing to do but wade across and get it, except the water is way to deep for that. So I head up the creek and wade across at the rapids. Of course I fall and lose my sandals, stumble my way back down to retrieve my lure, I'm wet, shoeless and defeated, I end up falling again this time in the mud, So there I stand no shoes, covered in mud and shivering from the cold, plus I cut my feet on the creek rock. And best of all it was in full sight of an occupied campsite, and by now the campers have all turned their chairs around and are watching the bare footed idiot!!! I retrieve my lure from the tree branch and decide just to fish the side of the creek I'm now on. A few minutes after retrieving my lure, I look and low and behold there are my sandals floating in the creek. I come up with the bright idea of hooking my shoes using my inline spinner. So I get all ready, people still watching, and make the first cast at my shoes, unfortunately on the back swing I tangle my lure in a tree branch, and of course backlash the reel!! I sneak a peak up the hill and the campers are by now holding their stomachs and wiping the tears from their eyes!! Long story short I finally get my shoes back and leave as quickly as possible. Sometimes you just can't win. :Idontknow::eyebrows:

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Here's one that I still have dreams about......

http://uscsracing.co...ask=view&id=178

If I would have not followed the lap car ( a girl by the way), into the last corner, I would have won my first series sanctioned race. Guess it was dumb on my part, but at those speeds, actions are made within milliseconds and I made the wrong one.

Jeff

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Drove about an hour to get to a lake.... Got on the lake... We realized we forgot our fishing poles...

Did the same thing two weeks ago except it was with hunting.

We had a doe rifle season here. I got up early drove down to where I park in the back of this field. And could barely make out some deer standing in the back of the field. I thought boy this is going to be easy. Jumped out of my truck threw on my jacket reached for my gun............where's my gun.......:)

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Well before these days of the information highway (or anything even close). I talked a friend of mine into taking a fairly lengthy ride to fish a small lake I spent quite a bit of time on as a youth ( in his vehicle). I hadn't been up there in several years nor did I know anyone still living on the lake.

So we load his truck and headed up. When finally got there, the lake had long since been drained / dried up and was now a very nice cow pasture.

As I remember it, I bought the dinner, the beer and 2 tanks of gas for that one.

A-Jay

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Too many to choose from, and I don't want to start thinking about them now.

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In 2002, I was working traffic assisting another agency on a fatality accident. Dude was drunk, hit a guard rail and shot through the window of his car. Landed on his front side and slid about 100 feet. Forgot about the audio on the other agencys patrol vehicle. (we didn't have them). I walked up and looked the guy over. Without missing a beat I threw my arms out and yelled "Safe". We both got a good laugh until about 6 months later we got to watch it again..........On camera, with the victims family watching......with my boss watching.........in court......

2 years later I was taking photos of a sucide scene. Dude sat down indian style and discharged a shotgun.....Gory stuff aside there was a mess. Phone starts ringing........I holler to my partner (my supervisior) "hey pull bobs lips off the ceiling and answer the phone" We both could not breath or talk for about 5 minutes from the laughter. We hear some crying and the guys daughter was outside and heard me....

I grew up since then and now have the filter between my brain and my mouth!

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Oh where to start if got the "I do" like some "I swear..."(army enlistment) probably my dumbest decision though was bust my arse threw tech school have perfect attendance 3.94 GPA nailed my interviews for a secondary school with my choice of BMW, Volvo, VW, Ford, Porsche all paid for at no cost to me just had to give them 12-24mo after training and I think the lowest salary was starting at 25.50 before the extra for my ASE certs which would have added 4 more dollars making it 29.50 an hour to start out I was only 19 years old at the time......My decision passed them all up to move back to NY to be with my HS sweetheart of 4 years and work at Nissan.......the hs sweet heart and I made it a month and broke up and I left Nissan after 2 weeks because it was to far of a drive and right when gas prices started going threw the roof after Katrina. Yup kicking my self in the arse for that one.

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I grew up since then and now have the filter between my brain and my mouth!

I don't have that filter. Frankly I don't want it. I come from a cop family and In your line of work you need to deal with things most of us couldn't imagine.

For me I generally say something embarrassing to someone everytime I go out. I call it honesty. Been doing it since I was kid. The ol' lady hates going out in public with me. I don't know that I do it on purpose, it's just second nature. I'm sure I've done plenty of dumb things. Don't know that any is worth writing about.

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a large neighborhood woman was pregnant when i was a kid. i was excited b/c i knew she was having a boy which meant i had a new buddy to play with. she had 'ricky' and all went well. fast forward a year later when i exclaimed "Mrs. Smith are you pregnant again!?". excited for another play buddy. she wasn't pregnant. i still remember the silence in the room.

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a large neighborhood woman was pregnant when i was a kid. i was excited b/c i knew she was having a boy which meant i had a new buddy to play with. she had 'ricky' and all went well. fast forward a year later when i exclaimed "Mrs. Smith are you pregnant again!?". excited for another play buddy. she wasn't pregnant. i still remember the silence in the room.

hahaha I have done that....as an adult....to a co worker at a new job......awkward

That also reminds me of this contractor here in Kuwait SHE comes threw everyday and on my gate days I always see her. Well shes an older women pacific island heritage I think shes also very thick I'll call it with a short almost flat top haircut. For probably a good solid month I had been greating her at the gate with a "goodmorning sir" she never corrected me so I wasnt any the wiser till one day a fellow soldier laughed and informed the sir was a ma'am so next time she came in I took a closer look at her ID under the sex catagory sure enough the he was a she oh well lol.

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Launched the boat and didn't get it tied off as well as I thought when I went to deal with my major case of bubble gut. When I came out of the outhouse my boat was 100 yards from the boatramp and floating very slowly in the light breeze. Water temp was right at 50, too cold to swim. No other boats or people and I'd left my trolling motor down because I was going to start fishing right there since it was a small lake. Bad thing about that is it's a very shallow lake and the trolling motor hit bottom about 20' from the bank once it finally got to the shoreline. I tied some short pieces of rope and bungee cords together and tried to climb out on a fallen tree so I could toss my homemade boat retrieval system. Climbed up a broken, and apparently hollow, willow tree. Right as I got to the top a big raccoon exploded from the inside of the tree and landed in the water. I don't know who it scared more but I was really surprised I didn't fall out of the tree. I managed to toss and get the bungee cord hook on the front storage hatch and drug the boat within reach. I always double check to make sure it's tied up well since then.

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Too many years to single one dumb mistake out of those I've made.

But the dumbest mistakes I've made have occurred when I failed to learn from an earlier dumb mistake.

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I bought a M/L baitcast rod and a 50 size reel, so excited to use it I took it to the creek to trout fish. First cast hang up across the creek, nothing to do but wade across and get it, except the water is way to deep for that. So I head up the creek and wade across at the rapids. Of course I fall and lose my sandals, stumble my way back down to retrieve my lure, I'm wet, shoeless and defeated, I end up falling again this time in the mud, So there I stand no shoes, covered in mud and shivering from the cold, plus I cut my feet on the creek rock. And best of all it was in full sight of an occupied campsite, and by now the campers have all turned their chairs around and are watching the bare footed idiot!!! I retrieve my lure from the tree branch and decide just to fish the side of the creek I'm now on. A few minutes after retrieving my lure, I look and low and behold there are my sandals floating in the creek. I come up with the bright idea of hooking my shoes using my inline spinner. So I get all ready, people still watching, and make the first cast at my shoes, unfortunately on the back swing I tangle my lure in a tree branch, and of course backlash the reel!! I sneak a peak up the hill and the campers are by now holding their stomachs and wiping the tears from their eyes!! Long story short I finally get my shoes back and leave as quickly as possible. Sometimes you just can't win. :Idontknow::eyebrows:

OMG...I laughed so hard I thought I was going to throw up!!!

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At a party and met a pregnant lady. So I asked her when the baby was due.

She was not pregnant.

She was fat.

How did I know? She was wearing this top that was like a maternity outfit.

I look back at the event and can laugh at it. At the time it was not funny to her or my wife although I could have fallen on the floor in laughter when it happened.

When my wife and I went to a bed and breakfast on our New England trip a few years ago a pretty middle aged lady in her early 40's, answered the door carrying a cute little boy.

So what did I do? I asked her how old her grandson was. Just being nice, you know?

Yep. It was her son.

Two for two for me.

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At a party and met a pregnant lady. So I asked her when the baby was due.

She was not pregnant.

She was fat.

How did I know? She was wearing this top that was like a maternity outfit.

I look back at the event and can laugh at it. At the time it was not funny to her or my wife although I could have fallen on the floor in laughter when it happened.

When my wife and I went to a bed and breakfast on our New England trip a few years ago a pretty middle aged lady in her early 40's, answered the door carrying a cute little boy.

So what did I do? I asked her how old her grandson was. Just being nice, you know?

Yep. It was her son.

Two for two for me.

I'm going to offer some advice to help you avoid a future indignity. When you meet two women, particularly sisters, never ask which is the older sister. Ask which is the younger.

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I've been called my son's grandfather my wife's father. I just take it all in stride this started happening in my 20's. It was cool when I was in high school could buy beer, now its not as handy but now on my 40's seems that my appearance and age are equalizing.

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Launched the boat and didn't get it tied off as well as I thought when I went to deal with my major case of bubble gut. When I came out of the outhouse my boat was 100 yards from the boatramp and floating very slowly in the light breeze. Water temp was right at 50, too cold to swim. No other boats or people and I'd left my trolling motor down because I was going to start fishing right there since it was a small lake. Bad thing about that is it's a very shallow lake and the trolling motor hit bottom about 20' from the bank once it finally got to the shoreline. I tied some short pieces of rope and bungee cords together and tried to climb out on a fallen tree so I could toss my homemade boat retrieval system. Climbed up a broken, and apparently hollow, willow tree. Right as I got to the top a big raccoon exploded from the inside of the tree and landed in the water. I don't know who it scared more but I was really surprised I didn't fall out of the tree. I managed to toss and get the bungee cord hook on the front storage hatch and drug the boat within reach. I always double check to make sure it's tied up well since then.

I'd pay money to see that lol. Lessons learned the hard way suck

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"Awe...when is the baby due?"

"Ohh!!, I thought...i'm sorry..

...ima idiot.

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