PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)

Here is the definition: "A figure of speech in which the latter part

of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in

a humorous situation."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of

paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and

beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it

in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then

proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many

is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a

train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In

case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the

street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a

successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute

to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to

live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so

they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever

you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than

standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.

LMAO @ 19!

LMAO!!!

I liked 10, that's good stuff there.

I needed that smile. Thanks for sharing.

I like number 5......

Good one!

Great stuff.

Mike

I think John Wayne said something similiar to 18.

"1. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s easier to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the b@#%&*d's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk." - John Wayne

Mainly #1 and I screwed posting this 4 times

LMAO while reading this. I know they are funny, but some of them really make you think.

Great stuff! The humor is in the truthfulness.