Seattle (where I live) had a strange week last week. On Wednesday, two guys got into an argument about TV volume. After exchanging a few choice words and colorful metaphors, one of the men was assaulted... with a tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter". Seriously.

 

A few days later, in the International District, a crazy lady walked into the Dim Sum King restaurant and started yelling at everyone to "go back to China". To emphasize her position, she sprayed several employees and patrons with soy sauce AND chocolate milk. She brought the chocolate milk with her. She was arrested.

 

And in England, a guy by the name of Leon Smith was in bed sleeping when his girlfriend climbed into bed with him and started cuddling. Nah... it wasn't his girlfriend. It was a wild fox that had crept in through the cat door. Upon discovering the animal in his bed, they continued to cuddle for another 10 minutes before the fox got bored and wandered off. True.

 

Sometimes these things happen... albeit, not very often. Maybe you've unexpectedly been covered in imitation butter, soy sauce, chocolate milk, or maybe you, too, have nuzzled with a wild animal... if so, you can answer today's question:

 

WHAT'S BEEN ON YOU... AND HOW DID IT GET THERE?

I've been crapped on by seagulls more than once while fishing.

Playing with my son after he was nursed.......everywhere...all over my face in my mouth, my nose, all down my shirt. Don't hold your kids above you playing making them laugh when they have full tummies.

I've had imitation butter thrown on me. Had a half rotten apple launched from the back of the day area that exploded on the rec windows right behind me. Had a nice little cocktail of human waste thrown at me but thankfully missed. Got bombed by a bunch of Canadian Geese one morning right as I started fishing, it was everywhere in my boat, on my gear, ruined my shirt, in my drink, everywhere. 

Bluebasser86.......hope I never....never top that.

I was eating at a resturant with a family from our Church and a their teenage daughter ordered a piece of pie.  They brought her the pie and a can of whipped cream.  She'd never used the cans before, and didn't know it shot straight out the top.  It did.  All over me.  I looked like I'd had a pie to the face.  But, it tasted good!

Does getting pee'd on by bass in more than one occasion count for this thread??

When my daughter cut her first tooth... I was changing her diaper and heard a fart, then as I made my way across a 10' room to get a new diaper  I hear a shart and feel the warm stanky goo making its way down my unclothed back. "OH MY GOD.... JADE!!!" As I get within five feet of her she lets out another rocket and hits me in the stomach along with some backsplash on the closet door behind me....

 

Still... you love em regardless...

I used to work in the kitchen at a country club.  After closing, I was wiping down some countertops when one of the dishwashers came running up and threw a handful of flour in my face.  I grabbed the wet rag I was using, chased him down, cornered him, and proceeded to light him up with a wicked barrage of towel snaps.  One actually broke the skin and left a 2 to 3 inch cut on his forearm.  I'm actually kind of proud of that.

 

When I was in 6th grade I was eating lunch.  I had an individually wrapped container of peaches.  This big oaf of a kid who used to mess with everyone decided he wanted them and grabbed them off my tray.  Well I wasn't gonna stand for that so I went to grab them back.  I must have inadvertently shoved my fingers into the plastic wrapper because they exploded all over his face and shirt.  He had to wear his gym uniform for the rest of the day.  Jerk got what he deserved.

One morning driving to work, I honked the car horn at something in front of me that I thought was a dog.  It turned out to be a skunk, and he let me have it with both barrels.  Luckily the vents were closed so none of the scent got inside the car.  It took a few washings, but the smell finally wore off.

Oh no you don't. You're not getting me to answer that. Some things I will take to the grave.

Back in the early '70s, I worked for 5 years in a state mental hospital. 

 

You really (no, I mean REALLY) don't want to know.

 

Tom

Bluebasser86.......hope I never....never top that.

you ain't lying!

I did construction work on operating waste water plants. Its not so much a question of what. Its a question of what hasn't. Especially when working around the aeration basins.

Back in the early '70s, I worked for 5 years in a state mental hospital. 

 

You really (no, I mean REALLY) don't want to know.

 

Tom

I've spent enough time working segregation and special needs pods to have a really good idea. There really is nothing off limits when you start dealing with special needs individuals.

i had black and red paint thrown all over me at a University of Louisville football game

 

so glad we joined the big 12 and we never have to go back to that zoo