Wife made a meal and when it was time to eat I asked for a piece of bread. She opened the bag and handed me a slice and put the twisttie back on the bag, to which I replied "Mighty stingy with it ain't ya?"

It’s what I didn’t say that got me .

”Happy Valentines “

"I have no interest in being like your dad."

 

Led to the biggest fight we've ever had... and on our honeymoon, no less. 

 

Thankfully, it's been all uphill from there

Was sitting with the ex one day looking at some old photos....I sorta thought I was being complementary when I said, "You used to be kinda cute"

"good morning Susan"

 

 

No, I don’t need another rod/reel/gun. 

I don't like your new hairdo.

Her: "Can you tell I've lost weight?"

Me: "You're not as fat as you were at our wedding."

 

Luckily, I'm mildly autistic. It has gotten me out of a lot these past 15+ years we've been together. She's only dumped me once.