I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I don't see why the brides father got upset just because I said

She doesn't look pregnant

Never play leap-frog with a unicorn

He who laugh last, thinks the slowest.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

"crowded elevator smells different to midget"

A man who dreams of eating big marshmallows will wake up with no pillow.

A man who dreams of eating big marshmallows will wake up with no pillow.

Hey Honey, Did you see the CAT?????

He who farts in church sits in own pew.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

...I think I get it...

I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise and have worms

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Fat girls need lovin' too!

8-)

Man who goes to bed with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly finger

What would a chair look like if your legs bent the other way ?

He who walks sideways through airport turnstyle is going to Bangkok.

I bought a house with a circular drive way, now it takes me a tank of $%@! ing gas to get to work every day>>>Steven Wright

You know your tie is too long, when you pee on it.

brown spots on the wall by who flung poo

Fat girls need lovin' too!

No, you simply need a bag of flour and you............ never mind.

d**n, I'm missing a buttonhole in my shirt.............

What the Zen Buddhist ordered from the Hot dog vendor:

MAKE ME ONE WITH EVERYTHING

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Just proves the worm should have stayed in bed.