35 Best Oxymorons and 27 other things to ponder

1. Jumbo Shrimp

2. Adult Male

3. State Worker

4. Legally Drunk

5. Exact Estimate

6. Awfully Nice

7. Found Missing

8. Resident Alien

9. Genuine Imitation

10. Airline Food

11. Good Grief

12. Government Organization

13. Sanitary Landfill

14. Alone Together

15. Small Crowd

16. Business Ethics

17. Soft Rock

18. Butt Head

19. Military Intelligence

20. Sweet Sorrow

21. Happily Married

22. Now And Then

23. Passive Aggression

24. Clearly Misunderstood

13. Peace Force

25. Extinct Life

26. Terribly Pleased

27. Computer Security

28. Political Science

29. Tight Slacks

30. Definite Maybe

31. Pretty Ugly

32. Rap Music

33. Working Vacation

34. Religious Tolerance

35. Microsoft Works

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is t he audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross -eyed and have dyslexia, ca n you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I thought oxymoron made you stupid if you inhaled too much of it.

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

Long Mike would be sure to resolve the problem!!!

Military Intelligence.

A-Jay

Why do we drive on parkways and park in driveways?

Why do ships carry cargo, but trucks carry shipments?

Why is it called football, yet you carry the ball?

Why is it baseball rather than basesball?

If the hits are, a single, double, and triple, why isn't a home run called a quadruple?

Why are some of Hawaii's roads part of the Interstate Highway System?

Years ago a co-worker committed a couple of malapropisms which greatly amused me.

On one, he was commenting on an accident on a divided highway and said the car jumped right over the meridian.

On the other, he said Bob (another co-worker) had invited him to his club for a round of golf and he thought it would be the right thing for him to retaliate and invite Bob to his club.

Military Intelligence

best one right there.

why is it we say "gotta take a dump" when really were leaving one

Government organization, right on there. One of my favorite lines at work "I'm with the government and I'm here to help." It's best served with heavy sarcasm.

Central Intelligence Agency

A guy thought he was buying illegal oxycodone on the street and it was actually some type worm pill for dogs. That my friends is an oxymoron.

If you have 10 odds & ends on a table and one falls off, is it an odd or an end?

Ronnie

Why do they call them apartments when they're all stuck together?