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clayton86

In A Very Dark Place

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So if you guys remember a few months ago I asked about going with your gut feelings. Everyone here was right as much as I hate to admit it as much as it hurts you were all right. I just found out today shes been cheating for a few months now while iv been gone. Iv been spending the last day or two changing all bank accounts and everything. My mind is just bugging out I have no idea what to think or do just mass confusion.

I'm so lost I mean I kinda knew for a while but I didn't want to believe it and she denied it and her being my wife I gave her the benefit of the doubt and believed her and trusted her.

so I guess I should have taken all the advice from you guys back in August but I didn't want to think she would do this but I was wrong.

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I guess she admitted her infidelity? That's rough! Been there, at the time it was a if my world ended. Now I would like to thank that guy, I'm happier than ever. Keep your head up, you will be ok. I'm praying for you.

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As someone who works in the domestic law field, although in another state, I can tell you that although I know you are devastated, you will be okay. It is going to take time and there will be times when you believe things will never be okay. THEY WILL!. There will be ups and downs, but you will be okay. Just hang on, find an excellent attorney and most importantly, do what that attorney tells you to do. Prayers will be sent up on your behalf.

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yeah she admitted it finally today while I was on shift up in the turret on a gun truck she messaged me saying it. I have 6 weeks left in this deployment till im home I had to plead not to go home now because i need all the money I can get right now they had spend it all I have .67 cents in my account till tomorrow in which time I gotta take all but 25% out.

It does feel like my world is coming to a crashing end I don't know what I'm more angry about the fact she did it or for this long and all the lies or the fact hes been living under my roof in my bed with my wife and my kids and my furniture and TV hell he probably used my fishing gear. I also came to find out yesterday once I really started getting hard on her about if she was he packed up all his stuff and got the hell out of dodge leaving her stranded he used her and abused her filled her head with stuff leached off my paychecks then got out probably sensing I'm gonna kill him when I get back.

So now I'm also mad he used my wife it doesn't make any sense I mean I love her to death even still to the point I'm furious the man she cheated on me with has hurt her and I wanna beat him to a pulp for it. I mean does that make and sense I swear I'm going nuts. I feel bad for her because everything I mean everything is in my name so I'm shutting it all down I gotta call the dealership have them come get the truck she bought in my name I canceled all the credit cards and bank accounts but 1 the one I will deposit her support into.

The guy is on unemployment cant hold a job has a drinking issue thinks hes king **** on turd hill attitude once he found out the money isn't coming in with her he bailed.

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Heart goes out...

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Dang man, it sucks I am praying for you all.

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That is a tough situation. Not to be hard on you, but you need to learn to trust your gut.

Now for some insight. You need to contact an attorney ASAP. Not a good attorney, but a GREAT attorney. I know it is going to cost you, but is it worth the extra money to make sure you don't come out of this any more in debt long term than you already will be? The second thing you have to remember is that you have two kids. They did not willingly sign up to go through this divorce with you. They are there by circumstance. NEVER and I mean NEVER bad mouth their mother to them or in front of them or at any time where it can come back to haunt you. I see it all too often when one parent runs his/her mouth to the kids. Be civil and follow the letter of the law in your divorce. Remember, the courts are usually for a mother's rights and being a father can be a hard thing to understand. If you need to voice your opinion to someone then why not find a Chaplin or Priest or Pastor or Minister to talk to. Your best friend when armed with this info can become your worst enemy and same goes for family. Keep your business to yourself and follow your legal counsels advice.

Good luck and remember your kids come first. Don't retaliate at either your wife or her fling. This will only make things more difficult for all of you.

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Feeling sympathy for your wife is normal, just don't confuse sympathy and compassion for her hurt because he used her with your old love for her. I've seen crazier stuff than a man forgiving his wife for cheating, but the fact he lived in your house in front of your kids while you are deployed speaks volumes to her character. Don't fall for the he promised me this or that, or he somehow controlled her decisions. You can have sympathy for her, just don't let it suck you in to a reconciliation that in the end will mean you will be used as a paycheck while she plays. Could you imagine going OTR trucking now?

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Thanks guys this has been a week from hell to it all started on the 25th our wedding anniversary.

That is a tough situation. Not to be hard on you, but you need to learn to trust your gut.

Now for some insight. You need to contact an attorney ASAP. Not a good attorney, but a GREAT attorney. I know it is going to cost you, but is it worth the extra money to make sure you don't come out of this any more in debt long term than you already will be? The second thing you have to remember is that you have two kids. They did not willingly sign up to go through this divorce with you. They are there by circumstance. NEVER and I mean NEVER bad mouth their mother to them or in front of them or at any time where it can come back to haunt you. I see it all too often when one parent runs his/her mouth to the kids. Be civil and follow the letter of the law in your divorce. Remember, the courts are usually for a mother's rights and being a father can be a hard thing to understand. If you need to voice your opinion to someone then why not find a Chaplin or Priest or Pastor or Minister to talk to. Your best friend when armed with this info can become your worst enemy and same goes for family. Keep your business to yourself and follow your legal counsels advice.

Good luck and remember your kids come first. Don't retaliate at either your wife or her fling. This will only make things more difficult for all of you.

Thanks I have an appointment on the 4th with a JAG lawyer its the best I can do from over here and will also be icing on the cake considering that is also my birthday like I said its been the week from hell.

Me and the wife I guess I can still call her that for now but we took a break 2.5 years ago and started the process of splitting and I never bad mouthed her once her on the other hand told my son all kinds of crap none of which was true and even this time when she has had another man in front of them I'm sure she is still bad mouthing me its just how she is. My parents split when i was 2 I think I'm not sure I was to young to remember but I think I was 2ish my father never once to this day has ever bad mouthed my mother not a single mean thing and has gotten on me when I have talked crap about her my mom on the other hand still to this day talks crap about my dad and ticks me off its been 24 years now and I'm old enough to see threw the BS when she talks about him. I will follow how I did before and like my dad and not bad mouth her in front of them heck I don't now to bad guys in my squad are and I'm getting upset with them.

I'm not sure if I will even need a divorce because we don't own anything and everything I mean everything is in my name and has been sense before we were married only thing we have together is the truck which is also 100% in my name shes not anywhere on it. Legal separation will probably be best its a heck of a lot cheaper and we don't have anything to split but the kids. Now with the kids we have to see a specialist about anyways to see whats in best interest for them and yes most courts favor the wife I have more then enough to make them think differently saved on my external on my laptop and backed up again online plus her history as well is still on file with the county shes no angel. So the kids we have to see the same person regardless of a divorce or legal sep. and we have nothing to fight over property wise that and I'm not much of a fighter anymore she can have all the crap we bought together I don't want it knowing just yeah don't want the couches and new bed nope nope nope.

I dont know though she seems to be civil right now actually begging and pleading

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Feeling sympathy for your wife is normal, just don't confuse sympathy and compassion for her hurt because he used her with your old love for her. I've seen crazier stuff than a man forgiving his wife for cheating, but the fact he lived in your house in front of your kids while you are deployed speaks volumes to her character. Don't fall for the he promised me this or that, or he somehow controlled her decisions. You can have sympathy for her, just don't let it suck you in to a reconciliation that in the end will mean you will be used as a paycheck while she plays. Could you imagine going OTR trucking now?

yeah trucking and re enlisting are def out of the picture now. LEO job probably also if I see this guy on the streets......

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Wow! He was living in your house while you were over seas serving your country? I don't know who I like the least him or her...

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Great advice from all.

I agree on getting the best attorney you can afford. You'll be fine after all the emotions clear out, and in the long run like somebody mentioned, that sap did you a favor in the long run.

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Yeah I dont know my head is just spinning and confused. I was balling like a school girl earlier I mean ya ever seen a 185lb guy carrying a medium machine gun crying like a ***** lol. Now iv been to the gym and said it so many times whats happened I laugh about it then I get sad again then I just start laughing uncontrollably.

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PM Sent

A-Jay

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Keep ALL documentation. Two guys I know personally, were able to FRY the wife in divorce court through thorough documentation.

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Keep ALL documentation. Two guys I know personally, were able to FRY the wife in divorce court through thorough documentation.

And keep all further communication with her written. Email/text/only. This is VERY important. Fathers do win sometimes...cough-cough.....

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Fathers do win sometimes...cough-cough.....

X2 - Yup.

A-Jay

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oh I have our entire skype history backed up 3x plus screen shots of the texts she sent me coming forward everything since has been threw email. I have . ALOT of dirt on her id rather not have to bring it up but if her claws come out so will mine.

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Try to let the lawyer do the talking for you. Sure there wil be personal things that you may have to discuss but always run it by the lawyer first and if its avoidable by all means do so. If it is the path you chose you will need a divorce regardless of whose name is on what. I was told by my lawyer that " anything acquired after marriage is the property of both parties and needs to be sold to or split up between the two parties regardless if who's name is on it ". It may just be for my state but certainly worth checking.

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well we don't own anything we have rented this whole time we seriously only have a truck that's it.

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and be careful what you post on a public forum

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Wait...this forum is public?

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Thanks guys and all of you who have been PM'ing me as well thanks its been rough today I'v got alot of support though from you guys and my squad there all been there to talk to always checking on me. just gotta KCCO! we'll see how many people know what that is about lol.

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Keep Calm and Chive On?

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Keep Calm and Chive On?

hell yeah

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