PONDERISM'S    

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..  

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?  

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?  

Why on Earth is there braille on drive up ATMs?

Why do people say 'same difference'?

If a frog had wings, would we still eat their legs?

Why does Burley have an OB-GYN?

The Thermos Bottle

When you fill a thermos with something hot, it stays hot.

When you fill a thermos with something cold, it stays cold.

How do it know?

does an elevator smell different to a midget?

does an elevator smell different to a midget?

I guess the view is different too!  

hahahaha this is great!

Ever had a midget tell you you're hair smells nice?

Gallagher.  "Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?  Why do trucks carry shipments and ships carry cargo?"

    Nice Burley!!!!!!!!!!!

    Those are some good points.

Would a duck with one leg swim in circles?

If you want to ship packing peanuts, what you pack them with?

If a man stands on a toilet, is he high on pot?

To be old and wise, you first have to be young and stupid.

If you were driving at the speed of light and turned your headlights on, what would happen?

Bsatteries,

 We know what a AA battery looks like and a AAA but what's an A bettery look like?

As a AA is bigger than a AAA which one gets called up to the majors first?

All great and funny but man, it sound like someone has too much time on their hands.  

I'm still pondering which came first, the chicken or the egg.

  Hadn't solved that one yet.