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Jig Meister

Facebook + Ex's + Marriage = ?

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Not sure who to ask, so looking for opinions on this matter. I am getting married, to a wonderful woman, can't wait and couldn't be happier.

I know we have each had our pasts and have been open with each other, so that is not the real issue.

In fact not sure if there is an issue at all, but looking for other opinions.

Would you want your wife/girlfriend - husband/boyfriend to be friends, and to still have a relation with ex's, past lovers, etc. over social media like Facebook and others

I keep my friends list down to very close friends and family, as I do not want people who I do not know or like to see my life, but I know not everyone feels this way. A lot of people I know love to 'creep' on people, which I feel is strange and uneeded, and in the end causes more drama than anything else.

I know if trust is there I shouldn't worry, and trust is not the issue, it is just the fact that I do want to see someone everyday that use to do something to someone.

Would you just ignore this issue, or is this something that has a valid cause for concern.

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100% no, will only cause issues. Even if you trust everyone involved problems will arise. Not sure about you but don't need added issues.

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That is my stance on the matter, I say no also. Out of respect as well as just not needed for problems. In fact I hate a majority of social media sites as I feel they cause issues that just would never happen otherwise.

A lot of people think my views on this are wrong, and I feel crazy and I am looking to see what others feel.

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Depends. I don't "friend" family on Facebook. If you are family, then you can text/call/visit. Ex's, people from high school, coworkers, people from here, etc. all get tagged as "Aquaintences." They don't get to see anything. In fact, I keep my "Close Friends" list down around 1% of my total friends, or around 20 people. They see the important stuff. The rest is just for promoting fishing related stuff, and keeping in touch.

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I read some thing the other day stating 60% of all divorces mention facebook.

I personally don't have FB and neither does the wife we both hate it and it only causes problems even people just like to cause drama and we hate drama.

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I read some thing the other day stating 60% of all divorces mention facebook.

I personally don't have FB and neither does the wife we both hate it and it only causes problems even people just like to cause drama and we hate drama.

yeah i hear that, I like to keep in touch with a few far family and friends that dont like phones.

btw, how are you doing?

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I don't do Facebook.

Having said that, I have a nephew who is going through a messy divorce, and he and his wife (not final yet) are constantly doing battle on Facebook for the world to see. They have each found someone new so they post about how happy they are, including pictures of them with the kids at the beach, or the park, or whatever, wherever. It's obviously an "in your face" thing they have going on. Reminds me of the "War of the Roses".

Facebook may be fun, but it has the potential to be ugly as well.

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I hate FB but you pretty much have to have it in college or else.

I'm not friends on with anyone on FB who I don't know personally and I have denied more friendship requests than accepted them. Personally for me once I get in a relationship her being friends with any ex-boyfriends is out of the question. It just causes problems that don't need to be there.

This is another reason why I am staying out of relationships while in college. Because in college you tend to share friends so if there is a breakup its like people start choosing sides and its just a mess.

Capt.O

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I'm thinking if you're having problems on Facebook, you probably have problems in other areas of your life as well. I think it's pretty lame to blame a social networking site on your problems - they are your "friends" after all.

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http://www.kenburbary.com/2011/03/facebook-demographics-revisited-2011-statistics-2/

there are far more non-kids that use facebook than 'kids'

Say what you want. It was built for kids, just because adults take over a posting site which was designed to keep friends up to date on your beer pong score does not make it an adult site, it's for kids.

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I'm thinking if you're having problems on Facebook, you probably have problems in other areas of your life as well. I think it's pretty lame to blame a social networking site on your problems - they are your "friends" after all.

I don't recall saying I blame my problems on any one thing in particular, but thanks for the insight. I am looking for what peoples opinions are, because if this is overall a thing that I should just let be, I will, because I am considering both sides of the parties in the relationship that I am in, instead of just what I want.

I appreciate the responses I have gotten from those that took the time to add to the topic.

facebook aside, this could happen on any social media plateform, and while a lot of you either dont use, or dont like facebook this website is considered a social media platform.

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Have no use for social media. As far as ex's go, nope. My wife tried that junk when we first started dating. I was against it we had a huge blowout over it. A year into our relationship her ex tried to play me, and got himself put in the hospital for it. So no neither of us talks with our ex's.

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I don't recall saying I blame my problems on any one thing in particular, but thanks for the insight.

I didn't say YOU had some problem. It's been my general impression that social train wrecks don't act pretty on FB. Here's the thing, what if your ex worked at the local convenience store or gas station? Would shop elsewhere? Or look at it another way, would it matter more to your fiancee to not be friends than it would to your ex to be unfriended? I think you have determine the capacity both you and your fiancee have trusting one another. I am friends with most ex girlfriends. My ex wife, no way. We'll simply will never be friends, in any capacity.

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I do not deal with ex's. In person or a web site. There is a reason why they are ex's.

I really have a love hate thing with face book. I only add people I really know. That includes family. What I hate about it. Is one day I logged on and had 20 more friends. Then when I logged off the night before. I was like what is going on I didn't accept any one. To make you feel special that they still consider people you unfriended or deleted they profiles as friends.

Also I hate how my family uses it. In the last year two people have died in my family. You know how I found out. On face book in my news feed. The whole family has my number. But I found out after hundred's of people find out 12 hours later.

I do like the news feed for tv channels and sports I care about. I usually forget about sporting events. So seeing that it reminds me.

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NOT A GOOD IDEA! Why would you want to anyway?

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Hmmm, this would have made a great letter to either Ann Landers or Dear Abby! Actually, I'm pretty sure that both of these advice columnists dealt with this type of issue long before FB or any other social media site was even thought of.

So here's the whole thing in a nutshell. Have you and your fiance had a discussion about this? What was her reaction?

If she agrees with you and says that she will change, then the only thing left to worry about is whether she actually changes. That's out of your control, and its where that word trust comes into play. If she doesn't agree with you, then you need to decide if you can live with that. Of course you also have to understand that a person doesn't need FB to stay in contact with somebody. In the Good Ol'Days, you only had to wonder why she keeps hanging up the landline phone when you enter the room and cellphones could make it worse. Or maybe why it took her an extra 45 minutes to get home from work one afternoon. And there's half a hundred other things that could eat at you. The more you think about it, well, maybe its better not to think about it, huh?

The bottom line is that you marry someone for who they are, and not for who you think you can change them into. Trying to control anyone isn't the blueprint to a very happy future.

But that's just my opinion.

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I don't do FB. It's difficult enough for 2 people to make it work forever. Adding other external influences increases the problem tenfold. I see this in my stepdaughters relationships. She agrees with my observations yet continues to participate in the drama. confused2.gif

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If your asking about it, yes its a problem. Why are you worrying now? Im assuming she didn't just add them recently.....

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I'm not friends with any of my ex's but my wife is friends with several of hers, I've even met a few of them in person. If she wants to talk to them or whatever I have no problems with that, I trust her to make the right decisions and she does the same with me. In my mind if someone has it in them to cheat then no amount of trying to control them is going to stop them. I'm not a jealous person so her talking to someone isn't anything I'm going to lose any sleep over. It isn't like facebook is the only place you can meet someone or talk to someone anyways.

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Why would you want your wife/girlfriend to have access to your FB anyway? I have FB but haven't visited it in months, maybe 3x a year. My wife sent me a friends request. I yelled from the living room into the bedroom where she was at and said "are you efing crazy?" Aint no way in heck she or her family is gong to be friends on my FB.

As far as ex's go, they're an ex for a reason, and it usualy isn't good, so why would I want them on there anyway?

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I'm not friends with any of my ex's but my wife is friends with several of hers, I've even met a few of them in person. If she wants to talk to them or whatever I have no problems with that, I trust her to make the right decisions and she does the same with me. In my mind if someone has it in them to cheat then no amount of trying to control them is going to stop them. I'm not a jealous person so her talking to someone isn't anything I'm going to lose any sleep over. It isn't like facebook is the only place you can meet someone or talk to someone anyways.

X2. Wife can talk to whomever she wants. I never understood why so many people try and control something they have no control over. If she wants some strange then she gonna get some strange and there isnt a dang thing you can do about it to prevent it.

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My wife and I both use Facebook, neither one of us is the least bit bothered to whom we converse with or whose on our friends list.

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