As the belt comes off   "Son this is going to hurt me much more than it is going to hurt you." 

I'm going off a limb here saying most of the ones in mind from full metal jacket won't be very family friendly.

But here are a few from Mr. Gunny and Co.

- You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!

- How can you shoot women and children? It's easy you just don't lead em as much.

- Anyone who runs is a VC and one who stands is a well disciplined VC.

- The dead only know one thing: it's better to be alive.

News reporter: Why did your deputies shoot the suspect 127 times? Sheriff: That was all the ammunition we had.

It's one thing to be stupid. It's quite another to open your mouth and let everybody know you're stupid.

I've told you a thousand times not to exaggerate.

Q:   What's the best way to stop milk from turning sour?
A:   Keep it in the cow

You're trying to swap a jaybird for a turkey.

"Oh Eddie I wouldn't be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet"

Clark Griswold

"If a man were to know the end of this day's business 'ere it come. But it suffices that the day will end and then the end be known. And if we meet again, well then we'll smile. And if not, then this parting was well made"

Gene Hackman paraphrasing J.C. in the movie

"Uncommon Valor"

"Oh Eddie I wouldn't be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet"

Clark Griswold

My favorite~ Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?

Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.

Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.

Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

My favorite~ Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?

Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.

Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.

Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

Lmao.. that movie never gets old.. I still laugh hard when he beats the crap out of his Santa and reindeer lawn ornaments. .

On his way to work, one of my neighbors embraced his wife and kissed her goodbye.

My wife said: “How come you don’t do that?”   

I replied: “I would, but I hardly know the woman”

 

Roger

"Oh Eddie I wouldn't be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet"

Clark Griswold

You serious Clark?

I’m a "Secondhand Vegetarian" 

Cows Eat Grass  –  I Eat Cows

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them...

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. - Dilbert

I will now prove to you that the ‘hand’ is quicker than the ‘eye’

Wanna see it again?     

 

Roger

If you ain't first your last.

Ricky bobby! Lol

I will now prove to you that the ‘hand’ is quicker than the ‘eye’

Wanna see it again?

Roger

Wanna see me run to that mountain and back?

(Doesn't move)

Wanna see me do it again? - Spongebob Squarepants

Wanna see me run to that mountain and back?

(Doesn't move)

Wanna see me do it again? - Spongebob Squarepants

 

The version I posted was an abbreviated takeoff of the original joke, before Spongebob was born...LOL

The original rendition was based on the "Fastest gun in the West". A cowpoke is standing with his hand

perched anxiously above his holster, and without moving a muscle, he says: "Wanna see it again?"

 

Roger

I have done so much with so little,i can do almost anything with nothing--- IHMC

Finally...I know everything, about nothing     (Gary Busey)

“It is easy to build something complicated;

it’s hard to build it so that it’s simple.”

Father of the Sidewinder:

Dr. William B. McLean

"This will only take a minute."

Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is book.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.